#1. I just don’t feel that romantic spark with you so I don’t think we should date anymore
….So you’re saying there’s a chance!
#2. Oh really, just so you know, you’re not as GREAT as you think you are
Could my mom have been wrong?
#3. Why did you delete your Snapchat, IG etc.?
(she thinks it’s because you are butt-hurt)
The filters were making me look too sexy and I couldn’t have that
#4 Why did you un-follow me?
I love a good mystery!
#5 Good Morning! (boring message)
G’day MATE! put another shrimp on the barbie
#6. I don’t like to initiate texts with guys, it makes me uncomfortable (a test and totally not true depending on her interest level)
I hear you, last time I initiated a text I had to take 4 Xanax
#7 You never tell me anything sweet (a test)
send this voice note:
#8 FIRST TEXT AFTER GETTING HER NUMBER
Hey, this is the REAL Chris (…..don’t be fooled by all of the imitations out there).
Or…
It was fun meeting you last night. My name is Chris and I approved this message
#9 What scares you?
You mean besides, ladybugs?
#10 When dating a female celebrity or someone famous (reverse her prize frame)
Her: Sorry, about all these keep people coming up to me and interrupting us
(whisper) Psst Come here….I think they’re secretly coming up to you….to get to me
#11 THE BAD SINGER / MAKE FUN OF LOVE
her: say something sweet, you never say anything sweet
bad singing: you are so beautiful to me, can’t you seeeeeeeeee
#12 REVERSE HER PUTDOWN
Her: you talk a lot
You: I also help old ladies across the street, I’m the perfect package!
#13 Are you manipulative? (TEST)
Wrong answer: I think I’m a very genuine person
Right answer: No, but I once told a 6 year old boy that there’s no Santa Claus
#14 What do you think about this relationship?
I have a bunch of graphs and charts and I’m studying them, very, very closely before I make any comments.
#15 When she compliments you
You called me shmoppy. You’re shmoopy.
#16 Are you MAD?
(a test, after she does something which she knows would upset you)
She had it all in the bag…. so she should have been glad, But she was mad and sad, Thinkin’ about the things that she never had! – Salt N Peppa
#17 I was recently voted the 32nd nicest man in county, and I proudly display the trophy in my room
#18 What are you doing?
I’m on a mission to bring JOY to random strangers
find out more at GOARMY.com
#19 Ignores your message (ghosting)
(voice note) don’t you….. forget about me…. don’t don’t don’t you
#20 You said the same thing last time, are you using these same lines on 10 other girls
It’s actually 11, but the bad news is they are all 80 years old
#21 When she keeps questioning you and accusing you
We can save each other a bunch of time and you can just start spanking me right now
#22. I was only messing with you
Is that because you really like me?
#23 MISINTERPRET
Hey slow down TIGER, let’s get dinner first
#24 So am I going to get to see you again this week?
If you play your cards right, anything’s possible
#25 Why did you go there and not come to my restaurant/bar/etc.?
I didn’t want to distract you with my sexiness while you were working. Your customers deserve your full attention!
#26 WHEN SHE ASKS YOU TO DO HER A FAVOR (FOR FREE)
What’s for dinner after?
#27 SHE SENDS A LOT OF PHOTOS OF HERSELF?
Did you mean to send this one to Brad Pitt?
#28 She sends you a photo with a guy in the background somewhere trying to make you jealous
The guy in the photo has MAN HANDS….
#29. We actually stopped by your house while you were at the gym
You sniffin’ my boxers dude?
#30. TEST
Her: I have to ask, do you do this thing a lot where, you get girls numbers from your companies job fair?
wrong answer: logically explaining yourself (no you are the first and it was … )
right response: Of course, I got my last 7 wives that way
#31 She ignores your message
Are we no longer pen pals?
#32 I just want to be friends for now
Nice! Are we getting matching sweatshirts or BFF tattoos
#33 YOU ALWAYS vs YOU DID IT ONCE (Test)
Her: I don’t like when people put out their garbage cans before Sunday. You always do that
- The reality is that you did it ONCE (and by accident)
Wrong “Logical” Response: (annoyed) I don’t always do that. I did it once, because I forgot that it was Saturday
Right “Humorous” Response: If I were you I would report me to the home owners association, I’m a bad boy!
#34 Your response When she cancels a date
Here comes the HOT stepper, murderer… excuse Mr. Officer!
#35. Playful Persistence
She takes a while to respond to your message
don’t you vant me baby, don’t you vant me…. ooooooooooo
#36 The sauna
I have to make sure nobody’s looking, I don’t want people getting a free preview of these goodies
#37 If a woman tries to hug me without my permission I will bite her
#38 stick with me kid, you’ll go places
#39 I’ve only kissed good looking boys
#40 Her: I have a stalker
OMG, I have a stalker too, maybe it;s the same person, what do they look like?
No, that’s not it, mine is…. (then start describing her)
#41 My stalker just texted me, I gotta go
after she stalks me, I walk her home every night
#42. (voice note) No I said No, No means No, respect me
#43 End the text exchange EARLY
I’m the sleep police and everyone must go to bed by 10 o’clock
#44 I was on the show the masked singer
#45 When she is mad at you….
Throw me a fricking BONE here people (Dr. Evil)
#46 I would ravish you in 2 out of 3 outfits, why not the 3rd one, I would relish you in that one
#47 How are you doing?
I’ve seen a million faces, and I’ve ROCKED THE ALL!
#48 I heard a rumor about you
wrong answer: who told you that, it’s not true
right answer: whatever they said, double it
#49 What are you up to tonight?
epic adventure, if anything happens to me I want Brad Pitt to play me in the movie about my life
#50 I see myself spending the rest of my life for you
Did you see this in a magic 8-ball?
#51 FU, gives you the finger (smiling)
oooooooo you’re in trouble
#52 SEND HER A PLAYFUL (FAKE) SKETCH
Her: I needed your cuddles this morning
You: When times get tough, you can always look at this picture of me
I’m going to a nude beach (trying to make you jealous)
I’m taking a bath, but I’m wearing my wet suit
#53 Are you on any dating apps?
I’m only on College Hunks hauling junk, it’s a new app
#54: Dealing with a girl who refers to herself as a “Bad Bitch”
Her: so you wanna see me huh?
You: yeah, I’ve been sketching a picture of you all day
#55. Hey
Heyyyyyyyyyyy! (…….my hey was was way better)
#56. You seemed really mad, what’s wrong? (a test)
I hate it when they say mean things about Taylor Swift. it’s not fair!
#57 DON’T DIRECTLY ANSWER HER QUESTION
Her: Are you excited for your trip?
The adventure begins, if I don’t return, make sure Brad Pitt plays me in the movie about my life
#58 Good re-engagement text
Guess who’s back…. back again….Todd is back, tell a friend
#59. WHEN YOU DIDN’T RESPOND TO HER FIRST TEXT AND SHE DOUBLE TEXTS YOU
Her: Hello?
You: Hellllooooo…. is it me your looking for?
#60 Did you watch the debate (or whatever show)
I’m watching Saved By The Bell… Zach just got detention, so unfair!
#61 I’m writing love letters to my 7 girlfriends
#62 When she ignores your text (ghosting)
Was my text so awesome that you passed out?
#63 my fortune cookie says you will meet a handsome stranger, is that you?
#64 When she is constantly nagging you about something
(suing a foreign accent) I’m being abused, Patric…. call z police!
#65. Good re-engagement TEXT
Hello…… is it me your looking for?
#66. That’s the beauty GG
#67. Did you try to kiss me?
They call me the “kissing bandit”, I have warrants out in 3 states
#68. LOL…. what drug are on?
Skittles…. taste the rainbow
#69. Sorry I didn’t text you back…. I was in a meeting
Go get em TIGER!
#70 How long was your last relationship?
36 minutes. She fell in love with me instantly and I’ve been hiding from her ever since
#71 I’ve been sick, I’m hope I’m not still contagious
You are only allowed to kiss me on the neck. No exceptions. No means no!
#72. I don’t want to screw this up, I want to take this slow
I don’t want you to screw this up either, Imagine losing me, your therapy bill would be in the thousands
#73 Why don’t you drink or How come you’re not drinking (or drinking more)
Wrong response: explaining yourself….
I don’t want you to take advantage of me.
#74 Have you ever been with a woman? (experience)
Let’s just say I’ve made a few women happy
#75 You seem like a really nice guy but…..
You got me all wrong….I’m a bad boy, this one time, I went fishing without a license
#76 The Stuart Smally Response
When she puts you down.
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.”
#77. You frustrate me sometimes
You will TAME me eventually don’t worry
#78 I think we are very dissimilar
#79 When she doesn’t return your text message
Can I least get a “butt-dial”…… I’m a very NEEDY guy
#80 You think I could I get to talk to you more often…..I’m a very SERIOUS GUY
#81. What are you going to do now (tries to have a serious breakup talk with you)
I opened a fortune cookie and said follow your heart, so I THINK I’m gong to do that
#82 so what did you decide about our relationship?
I have to look at all of my charts again, this is very complicated stuff!
#83 When she complains about her boyfriend (or talks about another guy)
Do you ever get tired of being the boss?
#84 How many times have you been in love?
Today…. twice.
#85 What are your plans for this weekend
top secret, not even I know
#86 RE-ENGAGEMENT TEXT
Did you ever know that you’re my HERO?
#87 What are your plans for the weekend?
This weekend I will live for the moment and dance like nobody is watching
#88 Have you been kissing any other women?
Does grandma count?
#89 I wish you were my boyfriend
Dammmmmnnnn! I wish I was your lover
#90 You were flirting with that girl
you got it backwards…she was flirting with me
#91 I liked it when you kissed me
I know.
#92 You didn’t wish me a happy birthday
someone needs to punish me
#93 Getting the necessary information without LOOKING needy
Her: I’m going to a wedding this weekend (she gives you no other details)
You: Cool, Prince Charles?
Her: No it’s my friends cousin Jen. It’s in Maryland. I got invited last minute.
#94. Well, all of my other boyfriends texted me a lot
Exactly….and where are they now?
#95. I heard that same exact line from another guy
I know. I trained him.
#96 OMG do you like me or something?
I only write you like 5 LOVE poems every morning… why, is that a lot?
97. When she hots you with rapid fire questions like – do you see yourself getting married, do you want kids, where would you want to live
If I answer all of these questions correctly do I win $100,000
98. SAVE IT FOR THE DATE
she asks you a question
next time we get together, I’ll let you in on the secret!
99. MAKE FUN OF THE NEEDY LOVE BOMBER GUY
I’m the love bomber I’m wanted in 13 states (….you’re not going to turn me in are you?)
100. She compliments you
If you want it then you better put a RING ON IT!