Screw you Verizon! Screw you T-mobile! Screw you iPhone!
The phone has always been the most dangerous weapon in the relationship. And that was BEFORE smart phones came out. Now’s it’s even deadlier!
There should be a BIG FAT warning label right on the box: if you are not extremely careful, this device will blowup your relationship and make your dream girl dump you for a guy named SPIKE. The result will be intense pain, regret and uncontrollable sobbing.
So why is communicating between dates the #1 mistake?
Reason For The Rule: It Triggers Her “Too Fast, Too Soon” Alarm
During the dating process guys usually do at least ONE thing that TRIGGERS a girl to pull away and give him the dreaded “things are moving too fast” speech.
In the past, this was usually due to confessing your feelings “too soon”. Or seeming “too available” by hanging out with her for 5 days in a row.
But today’s man is a bit more savvy. Especially my students. And they know to avoid these common LOVE BLUNDERS men made in the past.
But the thing is, even if you keep your feelings under control and only see her once a week, you can still ruin everything by texting too much between dates.
Here’s why –
YOU ARE STILL A COMPLETE STRANGER
You just met her 12 days ago. And now suddenly you guys are communicating every day (?)
Texting each other “good morning”
Checking-in throughout the day
And saying “good night”
Look, I get that at first, she was messaging you more than you were messaging her. And she seemed really happy to hear from you. You could say, hey, she started it.
But then one night she’s lying in bed feeling a bit moody, and her phone buzzes with another text from you:
Hey, you still up? Are you watching Yellowstone? We have to watch that together. What episode are you on?
And this is the EXACT moment she goes into PANIC MODE. Her heart starts racing. She feels anxious.
She doesn’t want to answer these boring questions anymore. It’s all starting to feel like homework.
Then she thinks – am I really going to have to communicate with this COMPLETE STRANGER like this every day for the rest of my life?
Alert. Stranger danger! Alert. Stranger danger!
Yep, your text message just triggered her “This relationship is going way too fast” alarm
And not because you told her that you loved her.
Or bought her a diamond bracelet.
Simply by sending what you thought was ONE innocent text message.
And it’s all down hill from that moment on. She starts texting you less and less, and you start chasing her more and more.
And now she’s suddenly too busy (or stressed) to find time to go on a date with you
The last stop on this train-wreck is when she says… “we need to talk”. Well, if you’re lucky there will be a talk. Most guys will just get ghosted and never hear from her again.
Look, you’re a pretty confident guy. You know not to come on “too heavy” with a girl. You’re no dummy.
But you just totally blew it with your dream girl (again) because you thought it was okay to be in constant communication with a woman you just met a few weeks ago.
That my friend was a HUGE HUGE mistake, and it’s the reason you keep losing these girls.
You might as well tell her that you can’t live without her and leave rose pedals on her car windshield after the first date.
Because communicating with her between dates produces the same CREEPY feeling.
How To TAME a MAN in The “Digital Age”
In the digital age, the way a woman feels she has tamed a man, is by getting him to text her everyday. She feels her feminine power when she gets you to use emojis and heart her messages. This makes her feel like she has you!
And as you know, once a woman feels like she has you, it’s over.
Look, I’ve coached a lot of successful guys who are “usually” good with women. And they all laugh at the wimps who write poetry, buy women expensive gifts and agree to walk her dog while she’s partying with her girlfriends in Vegas.
But what these guys fail to grasp is that “daily texting” is just as bad as doing all of those things combined. If not worse!
Newsflash pal, the wimpy guy is YOU.
In the past, confessing your feelings may have been the biggest mistake you could make with a woman. But in the digital age, the #1 mistake is texting her between dates.
We ALL Looks Like DOOFUS-ES
No matter how cool you are in real life, texting makes us all look like doofuses.
Ever find yourself saying things like:
What emoji should I use?
Should I heart her message or just LIKE it?
I wonder if she would find this “cat meme” funny?
OMG, dude, stop the madness!
Texting is LAME! You sound like a teenager.
You may be amazing on dates, but if someone saw your text messages and didn’t know who you were, they’d think – this guy sounds like a loser!
It reminds me of the cool kids I went to High School with who are now on Facebook posting pictures of what they had for lunch. Dude, you used to be my hero, but on Social Media you come off looking clueless.
The Benefits Of Rule #1
Okay let’s get to the good stuff. What does “not initiating” messages lead to:
#1 – It Gets Her Chasing:
When you don’t initiate any messages with her, she is more likely to text you first. And if she’s messaging you first, she will feel like she is chasing you. Because if she’s putting in more effort than you are, she will feel that you must be worth it. That you are the prize.
#2 – She’s More Likely To Accept And Show up For Dates:
It’s not rocket science. The less you text with her during the week, the greater the chance she will accept the date and actually show up.
But if you communicate with her all week, there will be nothing left to talk about and she won’t feel a strong desire to see you. Why should she? She’s getting all of your attention and validation VIRTUALLY without having to leave the house.
Now, the rule is we don’t initiate any texts with her between dates. But I didn’t say that we don’t respond to her messages.
This method is not about “ignoring” women. (That would be a negative challenge). We will get into the correct way to respond to her texts in Rule #2.
The Only “Exception” To The Rule
The only exception to Rule #1 is when you call her up (or text her) to make the next date. The great news is that she will be so excited (and relieved) to finally hear from you, that she should be jumping at the chance to see you!
Your 3 Biggest Fears
The three biggest fears holding you back from following the rules will be:
#1) Chris, I’m worried that she’ll think I’m NOT interested
This ones easy.
If you don’t message a woman between dates, she may try to imply that you’re not interested or that you don’t care, But if you keep asking her out once a week and taking her out on fun dates, she OBVIOUSLY knows that you like her – so her reasoning doesn’t hold water.
#2) I feel like I’m being mean, I don’t want to be a jerk
LOL
Every time I hear that one I laugh so hard I almost fall out of my chair.
Her last boyfriends name was BLADE and he left he stranded by the side of the road in a lightning storm. I’m joking, but the truth is women can easily tell the “bad-boys” from the “good-guys”
She knows you’re not anything like Bruno, that EDGY guy she dated for two years (despite him treating her like trash). Then she spent the summer reading a bunch of self-help books trying to figure out why Bruno dumped her
Look, the only thing she will think if you don’t initiate text messages is – Wow, this guy always asks me out and treats me well, but he also has amazing SELF CONTROL and patience
And remember, giving women what they want (a positive challenge) and fulfilling her emotional needs (space to wonder) is not mean.
#3) She will forget about me
This fear is very common and can be summed up in one sentence:
When a woman doesn’t hear from the guy she likes, she will think about him MORE. And when shes hears from you too often (even if she likes you) she will think about you LESS
It Must Be “Some Other” Reason
Of course most of us are living in denial.
No one wants, or is going to admit that it’s the smartphones and texting that is killing all these relationship today. You think APPLE is going to come out with it’s latest findings? LOL. Don’t hold your breath.
So we will just blame it on something else. It was because she’s not ready for a relationship after her last boyfriend left her. Or because she needs to focus on school work. Or she is just too stressed or busy to date anyone right now.
Yeah, right.
Those are the second, third and fourth reasons why. she left The first reason is that she has LOW interest because you’re available to text her 24-7 and your messages are boring.
Hookups UP, But Love is Down
Another thing throwing everyone off is that because of social media and smart phones casual hangouts and hookups have drastically increased. And this gives us all the false impression that this new era of constant communication works.
But what everyone is overlooking is that for females, their LOVE SCORE is down. High interest is down. There’s a lot more “hanging out” and “hooking up” but she’s really NOT crazy about anyone.
Millions of options online. Thousands of compliments. Hundreds of guys chasing. And you’re telling me she still can’t find anyone to fall in love with.
What could we be doing wrong?