Here’s one of my favorite sayings, although at first it sounds like a paradox:
The way to get her MORE interested is how you handle yourself when she’s acting LESS interested.
Hurdle #2: Setting Up Dates
It’s pretty rare for a guy to get from date 1 all the way to date 10 without a girl playing at least some kind of game with his date offers along the way
Sometimes it’s because of low interest, others it’s a TEST to see how he will react – but often women are just so used to being able to jerk guys around (and still have him ask her out again) that she just plays these games without even thinking
However –
Even if she really likes you, and she’s just unconsciously testing you out of habit — if you allow her to play games with your date offers, she will lose respect for you.
And if she LOSES RESPECT for you, it’s over.
The 5 Dating Games She Plays
Game #1: She DECLINES your date offer
She tells you that she would like to but she already has plans that day. However, did you notice how she didn’t give you a specific “counter offer” or HELP you find an alternative time to see her? Thus, it’s a dating game.
Game #2: She CANCELS the date
Only women break dates.
This usually happens at the last minute (she’s feeling sick or something crazy popped up) Again, notice how she didn’t mention rescheduling as soon as possible, or that she wants to make it up to you asap
Game #3: She Tries to Sell you on a SORT OF or MAYBE Date
The SORT OF date is when she accepts, but needs to squeeze herself in. For example, she has something to do before seeing you (so she may be late) and she also has something to do after (I can’t make it a late night, I have to pack for my trip to Cabo). You’re being squeezed from both ends. This kind of date ends up being a “rush job” and shows that you need to see her so badly that you’ll take anything you can get which is unattarctive.
the “maybe date” is where she tells you – I’m pretty sure I can make it on Friday, I just have to double-check to see if my friend Alicia from college is coming to town. I’ll get back to you as soon as I know (yeah, right). When you go along with a maybe date, it makes it seem like you’ll be waiting by the phone all week for her.
Game #4: She IGNORES your date offer
You text her saying: would you like to go on a date when you get back to town? And then… she just completely ignores your message leaving you confused, wondering if she even saw it. Oh, she replies to all your other questions, but somehow it’s like your date offer never happened.
Game #5: Sorry, CHANGE of Plans (Downgrade)
Whenever you hear her utter the words “do you mind if we do “blank” instead? – You can bet the farm that whatever she has in mind is going to be a downgrade from your original plan. Lunch instead of dinner. Coffee instead of lunch. Or she will ask if you mind if she brings her friend Cassidy along. (now it’s a group date)
The WRONG WAY To Respond
When women plays dating games, guys usually handle it one of two ways. Neither of which she finds attractive.
Guy #1: The “No Worries” Guy
HER OWN WORDS: What I like about you is that you are so laid-back and you never get upset when I have to cancel plans
The no worries guy acts exactly as he sounds. He responds – “no problem” and “no worries” every time she disrespects him.
He thinks he’s being laid back and CHILL (hang loose is his favorite emoji) but she just sees him as someone she can break dates with. Even at the last minute! She can shop around for a better offer, or just conveniently ignore his texts whenever he asks her out.
And when she beaks another date and he replies “no worries” – she always hearts the message. Translation: thanks for not making me feel guilty for jerking you around.
Guy #2: The FAKE Tough Guy
HIS M.O. – “He threatens to walk away, but never follows through”
The “fake tough guy” is different in that he actually calls the girl out on her disrespect. He’ll say things like – my time is valuable, you should have told me sooner and my favorite – I have 5 other girls that are dying to go on a date with me.
Although the fake tough guy comes across manlier than the wimp, she still won’t find him attractive. For one, women hate to be DIRECTLY called out on their dating games (read: low interest in you).
Second, although you stuck up for yourself, you also lost your COOL. And now she knows that she has the power to control your emotions and your mood. Not good.
Plus, if you ever ask her out again after your Mr. Tough Guy speech, she’ll know that she owns you. So anytime she wants to create some drama, she can just “misbehave” and get you to blow up all over again. Because let’s face it, you’ll be back.
Bottom line –
If you call her out but then don’t follow through by walking away FOREVER, no matter how TOUGH your words were, she now knows you’re bluffing and you’re never going to leave no matter what she does.
Remember, You can’t TELL a woman that she SHOULD respect you or your time. It has to be her idea. And women only respect ACTIONS.
How To Handle Her Games
So how do you get a woman to NEVER play these games and respect your offer when you ask her on a date?
Two words: Calmly and Subtly
Pretend for a moment you were in the Mafia. And you’re stopping by a restaurant to collect an overdue payment. You wouldn’t get angry and shout – if you don’t pay up, I’m going to burn this place down.
No. Instead you would be subtle. You’d say, really nice place you have here. Be a shame if something bad you’d happened to it. And then you’d walk away with a big smile.
Message sent. Pay up.
The Solution: No More Date Offers
Well you do the same thing with women.
If she plays any sort of game with your date offer, then you don’t ask out again until she HINTS at wanting to see you. Or she asks YOU out directly.
If she’s truly “sorry” or she’s really just dying to see you, she can always pick up the phone and ask you out (or at the very least HINT)
But instead, guys just can’t seem to control themselves. The first chance they get, they immediately ask her out on another date. And then another. And another.
Don’t “Double Dip” That Chip
Never ask her out twice in a row.
Her: Sorry can’t make tonight, my dog is having surgery and I want to keep an eye on him today
5 minutes later…
You: No worries. Do you want to come over Sunday and watch the Super Bowl?
When you ask her out a second time, you are putting a LOW PRICE TAG on your offers. She knows that another date offer is always coming soon, so why should she jump on this one.
Instead do this –
You can still respond to her texts (you don’t want to seem butt-hurt) but just make sure to be EXTRA SILLY. However, you will NOT under any circumstances ask her out again until she HINTS at wanting to get together.
What HER HINTS sound like:
- I’m feeling much better now, when are we rescheduling our date?
- I really want to see Top Gun 2, but none of my friends want to go with me
- A call comes in at 11pm while she’s out with her girlfriends. She says come meet us. Politely decline that offer (it’s a group date) and make the next date (translation: she cracked and wants to see you)
- I’m back. When are we doing Top Golf? I’m dying to try it.
- It’s a beautiful day, we should go on a walk and get lunch
Just make sure when she HINTS that you reply with this line:
Are you asking me out?
Because after she plays any of these dating games on you, it’s crucial that it feels like she wanted this next date to happen. That it was her idea.
Rule #3 – Key Takeaway
Most times women aren’t even aware that she’d actually like you more if you didn’t accept her “maybe date” or “downgrade”.
She’s secretly hoping that you withdraw the offer. She’s secretly hoping that you don’t immediately ask her out again.
Because when she pulls these little stunts, she’s not even consciously aware that she’s setting up a TEST for you. And she will do this even if she’s very interested and you’ve been perfect so far. She has to find out if you really have the stones.
The “Ultimate” Showdown (Part 2)
The first “showdown” is when she realizes you aren’t going to initiate messages with her between dates. Women who hate challenge and want to control you won’t like this one bit. And so she will leave you or threaten to (good!)
The second “showdown” will be over her dating games. When she plays one of her games she fully expects for you to double dip and ask her out again.
Instead, you are not going to ask her out again until she HINTS at wanting to see you. You will still respond to her messages in a humorous way (see rule #2) but no NEW offer will be coming.
You can bet this will be a tense standoff. Women with LOW interest who have too much pride will never ever hint. However, the women who actually like you will eventually crack. She has to.
Revoke Her Texting Privileges
If she’s not respecting/ignoring your offers (ie. what are your plans?) her texting privileges should be revoked asap. Calls only for now.
A lot of younger guys push back when I tell them that it’s much better to make a date over the phone versus text. They say that texting is easier and that hardly any women answer their phones nowadays.
I’m fine with that.
However, if she ignores any of your date offers by text, even once – you need to switch to making your dates over the phone only. Allowing her to text you is a privilege, so if she plays games with the dates, you need to set a calm boundary.
You just can’t risk being ignored when you ask her out on a date. From her point of view, ignoring a guy is the equivalent of rejecting him 100 times. Besides feeling really bad she will also feel PITY for you, and that’s an attraction killer.
If she doesn’t pickup the the phone or cal you back, well, then she doesn’t get any more date offers.
If you want another option, you can text her this:
Hey, I have good news. It will take 2 min and 24 seconds to tell you about it. When’s a good time to call (and then call her)
Rule #3 In Action (Client Case Study)
She “forgot” she had a birthday party and canceled a dinner date for Saturday night.
In the past he would have been the no worries guy and responded “no problem”. However, he happened to be reading a book called “No More Mr. Nice Guy” so this time he vowed to finally stick up for himself.
He told her – l don’t care if you cancel plans (he should) but just don’t do it at the last minute. It’s disrespectful and I won’t put up with it. (classic fake tough guy speech)
Instead, her should have been a real tough guy and sent a silly reply (birthday bonanza!) and then disappeared.
Then during the week it’s EXTRA silly responses only and you don’t ask her out again until she hints. Or better yet, she asks you out and takes care of all the details.
My client stayed strong and finally her text came in:
Her: So when are we going to that dinner?
As per the rules I told him to reply – Are you asking me out? Hint: the key to my heart is a place with good steak
She took the bait, paid for dinner and now he’s now back in the game!
The Beginners Strategy
If you’re a total beginner, you may find it very difficult to follow Rule #3. To not ask her out again and (temporarily) allow her to walk away.
If so, you can start by NOT asking her out for 2 full weeks after she plays her dating game. Hopefully, she will crack sometime during that 2 week period and hint at wanting to see you.
And if she doesn’t, you tuck your tail between your legs and ask her out again. Although I don’t recommend this strategy, at least we gave her the chance to initiate and maybe, just maybe, she got the message that she should take your date offers more seriously.
Her Dating Games: Cheat Sheet
How To Handle The 5 Games She Plays
No Counter. Cancel. Maybe. Ignore. Downgrade.
#1 – She turns down your date request for any reason – listen closely for a counter offer. For example, I can’t make it, I’m going to be in Boston on Friday, but I’m back Sunday – we can go out then
#2 – She cancels a date: listen closely for the word “reschedule” and see if she utters the words “make it up to you”. Don’t reply by saying “no worries” or call her out for her behavior. You also don’t want her to think you are butt-hurt so just hit her with a confusing song lyric – Mr. Lover Man, Shabba!
#3 – She tries to sell you on a rush job or maybe date: Politely withdraw the offer. Sounds like your busy, let’s just make it some other time. No No No
#4 She totally ignores your offer. Do not ask her out again until she hints at wanting to see you. No longer ask her our via text, calls only. She loses her texting privileges with you.
Nobody says you have to call her every time you want to tell her something, you can still use text for other things if needed. However, when it’s time to ask her out on a date, YOU CALL !!!
#5 – She tries to change the plans (downgrades): if she tries to downgrade the date (romantic dinner and drinks to a quick lunch or coffee) politely withdraw the offer and say you will just make it some other time.