#1: What are your intentions and expectations?
If this relationship doesn’t end up like that movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” this has all been a BIG waste of time
category: test, don’t back track, never give her a direct answer
#2. SAVE IT FOR THE DATE
Her: What have you been up to?
I’m saving all of my best stories for when I see you Thursday night.
Prepare to be…amazed!
category: creative ways to say, let’s save the conversation for the date
#3: Ugh! You are driving me crazy
Yes!!! Still got it!
#4: What do you do? (online dating app flirting)
I’m a Hollywood stuntman
Her: wow, that’s so cool
You: yeah, when George Clooney has a kissing scene, they use me so he doesn’t bruise his lips
#5 I haven’t seen you in such a long time
You poor thing. It must have been TORTURE
#6 OMG, you talk to everyone (trying to put you down)
My family crest is a MOUTH
#7 Hey, I saw you out and about
Was that you in the bushes last night?
#8 I’m coming to pick you up
If you have mints and bottled water for me, I may give you a 5-star rating!
#9. When she “corrects” you
Her: That’s not the right ones, you are supposed to use those
You: Even Better!
(instead of explaining yourself)
#10: How was your first week at work?
I work hard for the money. So hard for it honey!
11. When she tried to make you JEALOUS (test)
Her: I’ve got another admirer at the gym
Me too…
The problem is she’s 80 years old
#12 Slightly ALOOF response
Her: I just had the best workout at the gym
Nice work by you!
#13 When she says she doesn’t like something about you
Bad news, the doctor says is may be permanent
#13 You can stay and cuddle with me for a bit if you want
Nice! I love to cuddle, do you have a teddy bear for me?
#14 I feel a darkness in you lately. (weird test)
too much Count Chocula cereal?
#15. When she tries to change the plan at the last minute
Sounds cool! let’s do that next time
#16. How did it go at the Doctor?
He said I’m going to live forever, can you handle that?
#17 Where is this place you are taking me for dinner?
life is a mystery….. everyone must stand alone
#18 Stop! I’m asking you a serious question
Keep telling me what to do. I love it when you dominate!!!
#19: Confirming a Date With HUMOR
When she said she was going to take you out on a date, but a few days have passed and you haven’t heard from her (and the date is supposed to be tomorrow)
I’m here ironing my tuxedo, where are you taking me tomorrow?
#20 I absolutely adore you
What took you so long?
#21: What happened to you last night? (she’s digging for information)
I passed out at 9pm, be careful, I’m a very wild guy (don’t give her the info)
#22: I was thinking about you… but not too much… I don’t want you to get a BIG head
#23 Her: You are so hard to read
** Immediately kiss her **
You: was that hard to read?
#24 So what are you some kind of player?
Totally. In 4th grade I dated two girls at once.
#25 Be serious!
What happens if I don’t. do I get detention?
#26 Stay hydrated, it’s going to be really hot today. (boring message)
When you’re as HOT as me… it’s never too HOT
#27 How are you? (boring message)
I’m on TOP of the world, HEY! (it’s been like this for a while now)
#28 Her: are you seeing anyone else?
You: Do you want me to be seeing anybody else?
29 It may have been a mistake for us to sleep together
Logical Guy: it’s nothing to be ashamed of, we were having such a fun evening
not Serious Guy: That’s weird, I usually get a 5-star rating
#30: She compliments you
ladies love me, girls adore me, I mean even the ones who never saw me
#31 You can come in but all we are going to do is kiss (a test)
Great! Because I’m saving the hand-holding for marriage
#32 Feel free to dream about me tonight, I’ll allow it
#33. You never texted me
stay by the phone, I think a text may be coming in today
#34 NO GROUP DATES
Can me friend Kerri come, she really loves the food there
sorry! I want you all to myself…. I’m a very very (very) selfish guy!
#35: You’re the best!
you’re only saying that because you like me a lot
#36. ALWAYS BE IN A GREAT MOOD!
Her: wow, someone’s happy
You: And there’s more good news… the doctor says it may be permanent
#37 But what about the receptionist at your work that’s always checking you out?
can you blame her?
#38 . When you pay for something
She gave me 10% off. I got the “nice face” discount
#39: When she’s MAD at You
Baby don’t talk that way. You’re SO MONEY and you don’t even know it
#40. At first she told you – I don’t like guys texting me
3 weeks later….
her: why do never text me?
logical boring guy: you said you didn’t like guys to text you
positive challenge guy: I DIDN’T WANT TO TURN YOU ON!
#41 when she is frustrated and yelling at you
Hey….Nobody puts baby in a corner!
OR….
Hit me baby one more time!
#42. Her: I want to kiss you all over
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
#43. sorry I’m going through a very hard time
bummer, I’m having the time of my life… I can teach you my secret for a small fee
#44. Her: You have earned a kiss
Nice! You’ve earned HALF a kiss
#45. Her: Are you chewing gum so you can try and kiss me later
You: I want my breath to smell good for when you try and kiss me
#46. where do you see this relationship going?
where we’re going…. we don’t need….roads
#47. . WHEN SHE IGNORES YOUR MESSAGE OR GHOSTS YOU
I want my baby back…. baby back…. baby back….
2nd message: …..RIBS!
3rd message: (BBQ sauce)
#48.. How are you? (boring message)
I’m so excited ….(and I just can’t hide it)
#49. How much did you miss me?
Not too much, I only wrote you like 27 love poems
#50. what are you up to?
You can’t handle the truth!
51. Are you a player?
Not sure,but in 3rd grade I went steady with two girls at once
52. What did you do this weekend?
I danced as if no one was watching
53. Do you want to come over
What’s in it for me?
54. Her: I hope we can stay friends
wrong answer: after all we have been through we can never go back to being friends (all serious and butt-hurt)
right answer: I was thinking more like best friends, with matching tattoos and everything (not taking it seriously)
55. When she asks for a favor or for you to fix something
Usually I charge $22 an hour….but I tell you what, since we’re dating, I’ll knock it down to $21.50
56. When she keeps texting you before the first date
(instead of answering, say)
That’s a great topic for our first date
57. Are you dating other girls?
I want you to know….. that you are my only date so far today
58. I can’t figure you out
I’m the guy, behind the guy, behind the guy
59: WHEN SHE ASKS YOU. TO DO SOMETHING
I don’t do that until the 8th date
60. Do you use that line on all the girls?
Only the “cool” ones
61. I’m saving myself for the 4th date
62. sorry, I can be kinda of a bitch sometimes
not good enough, I prefer girls who are bitches all the time
63. Her: where do we stand?
Okay I’ll admit it…….Ive got the HOTS for you
64 You should probably go….
yeah I don’t want you to corrupt me
65: WHEN SHE IGNORES YOUR MESSAGE
voice note: Heloooo Hellooooo heloooooo (echo)
Ricooooolaaaa
67. I’m mad at you or when she yells at you
most guys don’t like it when a girl is mad But I love it!
68. I feel like I want to spend every moment with you
You sure you can handle all of the excitement
69. I’m going to give you the biggest HUG when I see you
Is that all?
70. What kind of guy are you?
I’m a sensitive guy…….who likes to cry
I’ll cry on the moon!
71. She makes a comment about something you are wearing (ie. a shirt)
You can say what you want about me, but Ill be damned if I’m gonna let you talk bad about my shirt!
72. DISOBEY AN ORDER
her: you don’t have to reply to this text
nobody tells me what to do (not even grandma)
79. WHEN SHE GUSHES OVER YOU
keep bragging about me, I can never get enough compliments
80. How are you? (boring message)
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
81, WHAT”S YOUR DEAL?
If you want to be with me, baby there a price to pay, I’m a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way!
82. Why did you stop going to the gym?
I don’t want to get too sexy
83. When a woman sends you a naughty photo
Hey, are you trying to turn me on, I’m not that easy!
84. RE-FRAME THE SITUATION
When she is mad at you or puts you down (zinger)
Aww, you are such a flirt!
85. Just so you know, when I’m single I’ll be coming after you
Cool, I’ll be hiding in my bunker
86. whats going on with us? And don’t joke around this time
voice note: you’re the one that I want oooooo oooooo oooooo
87. BORING TEXT
How are you?
I’m magically delicious!
88. Just so you know, I don’t like to play games
Let the games BEGIN!
89. When she compliments you
I love it when you come on HEAVY
90. When she is gushing over you
DOES THIS MEAN WHEN WE GET TOGETHER YOU WONT BE ABLE CONTROL YOURSELF
91. When she says I love you or something mushy over text
Did you mean to send this to George Clooney?
92. when she gushes over you
Tell me MORE… I’m intrigued
93. When she sends you a racy photo
Do I owe you money for this picture?
94. I’m sorry, I just don’t feel we have a connection
Are you sure, I’m feeling a slight tingling sensation
95. I want to be straight with you. I have been talking to someone and things are getting serious
congrats! when do the wedding invitations go out?
96: Her: sorry I missed your text
you’ll be kicking yourself for months, that text was a thing of pure beauty
97: WHEN SHE THINKS YOU ARE FUNNY
Her: LOL…. OMG, that’s hilarious
You: the good news is I’m twice as funny in person….
(now set up the next date)
98. Did you miss me? (a test)
I missed you almost as much as you missed me, It was so close I couldn’t even believe it
99. How much did you miss me? (another test)
It was terrible, I couldn’t even sleep, I just started at your picture for hours
100. Her: I can’t believe you posted that (mad at you)
the good news is, only 5 people saw it. The bad news is, one of them was my grandma
101. I think I just need a little time and space to figure things out
Wimpy Guy: Take your time, I’ll give you the space you need (all serious)
Challenge Guy: Don’t take too long, there’s an old lady at Hardy’s that’s been giving me free biscuits
102. Her: I’m not looking for a relationship right now
serious guy: That’s good, I want to take things slow also
not serious guy: what if I had access to all of the worlds coconuts?
103. You really confuse me sometimes
Tell your friends!
(use the accent of a guy on the street trying to get you to buy his product)