• The BIG idea; guys blow it between dates (past/present), the good news (positive spin) – if you od this right, women fall in love between dates
• The Silly messaging “response” strategy (examples)
• where am I? the 4 phases between dates explained (24 hrs, no date, making the date, date is on the books)
• the process aka the positive roller coaster – “5 emotions you must take her through between dates” 10x (bliss, uncertainty, frustration, relief, anticipation)
• set up date: curve balls (maybe, broken, confirm, withdraw) etc
• the ultimate SHOWDOWN – dare her to walkaway because it MUST be THIS way to work (can’t feel guilty, it’s for HER benefit) after GF you can loosen up here a bit and you’ll be seeing her 2x a week (much easier to do this)
• Valuing your time, including not seeing her between dates in a non-romantic date context , spinning hints and low value offers into GOLD
• misc either start enjoying it right away, a few weeks (like most guys do) or have her in love forever
• builds frustration until she cracks – can’t wait, she starts asking you out on dates AND hints at wanting to be your GF – how to handle incoming vs. slowing her down

and really you don’t have to do much besides have self control and send silly messages. send me a Between dates journal and lets look at the chart. Coaching can guide you through the process

doing the right thing between dates is/gets HARDER the more she likes you (and you like her)

The main problem has always been blowing it between dates…

The 80s and 90s: Burning Out That Number

you get a girls number and burn it to the ground (swingers) when he left multiple messages on her answering machine

Before the cell phone, a guy would blow it between dates by calling a girl too soon,. he would get her number and phone her two days later.

Or after a date he would call her the following day and already ask her out again. He would burn out that number fast. One interesting thing of note for guys who came of age during this era, it was VERY rare for a woman to call you, So you didn’t have to worry about her helping undermine and lower her own interest.

The solution was to never call her between dates (except for the one time where you asked her out on the next date) . And doing that was pretty easy (at leastin theory). All you needed was the self control to not to pick up that phone on wait.

Welcome to Texting The 2000s

Now its a completely different world with smart phones, texting and social media. never calling or never interacting with her between dates is damn near impossible today. As such, the odds of a guy blowing his chance between dates is higher than ever. It’s simpler than ever to text her (in only takes a second). Having self control is harder.

But the main issue is now she also likes to reach out and text you between dates. And guess what, her texts are BORING. So you have to know how to respond. You have to navigate getting her to laugh, her frustration, to save it for date etc. It’s a minefield

3 FEELINGS that DESTROY her interest and blow it for you

1. feeling like things are moving too fast (pressure)
2. she feels like she already has you, you;re too available (you are 24-7)
3. the feeling that you are boring and predictable (not fun)

EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE GREAT ON DATES and don’t make the common mistakes, you still provoke these BAD feelings in her by what you do between dates

Like most guys, you’re a good dater, but you suck with women between dates. you have ZERO clue what to do. But to be good with women, you have to know how to get dates, be good on dates, but most importantly you have ot be great between dates.

SHE feels like things are moving too fast

of course she’s going to feel this way. 10 days ago you were total strangers and all of a sudden you’re communicating every day, from good morning to goodnight. yeah, she wanted this but then it hits her… things are going to fast. and guess who gets blamed, YOU. This is where she tells you she wants to slow down and needs some space You only dated her once a week and did a great job on the date, but you’re texting ruined it. You blew it between dates.

SHE feels like she already has you because you’re always available

You didn’t make the common blunders, confessing your feelings, or telling her how beautiful she is evrey 5 seconds.

But you do message with her every day. she knows she has you. and you were too available, In fact you were available 24-7. Never mind that clients have to schedule weeks in advance to get a 20 min meeting with you – with her your available to comment on memes, look at the sunset she sent and like her latest musings on IG. all of this adds up to her feeling like she’s already got you, even though you did everything else right. Again, you did great on the date, you blew it between dates.

She feels like you are BORING (and predictable)

On the dates you’re a funny as Dave Chappell. You show her a great time. you are slightly mysterious too with her doing most of the talking! But unfortunately, your text messages are boring logical and predictable and you’re been sending her dozens of these snoozers a day.

Picture this – every time her phone buzzes (its a let down) a like a $70 bill form Verizon instead of a $50 check from grandma. It’s a HUGE LETDOWN and she associates that letdown with YOU

and even though she was boring what;s up, whay are you doing, good moringom – YOU are th one who gets blamed, not her. now depsit ebeing amaozng ly funy on the daes, she’s duming you for he ex SPIKE. He only throew trasj at me once, he’s changed!

SOLUTION: you need a between daytes startegy

and the main part of that is using SILLY CONFUSING mesages

• you respond to her (instead of ignore0 but she doesn’t get anything tangible, she doent know what you’ve been doing
• its apoite way to convey lets save the ocmversation for the date
• it make ssur eyou dont get ijto a ong bacj and forth (too fast too soon, pressure)
• it’s confusing she will never liek she has you or TAMED YOU
• you are defintlet not BORING

to not text her between date is self control, when she texts you its kowing how ro respond (silly messaging strategy)

using the strategy on a “cleanup case” –

• no texting her (or social media) only responses (hold out for her to contact you)
• silly, confusing message responses ONLY
• not asking her out anymore, look for hints
• if not occasional stay om the radar message, ask her out x times per month

Some people will say, women want a nice guy.

No. No. Women want a “bad boy”. No, you’re wrong – it’s all about being physically attractive. No, she wants a challenge. Just tell her your feelings.

So who is right? Nobody. The truth is women want all of it.

There are 3 main qualities a woman needs.

One, she needs to be physically attracted to a guy. Two, she carves a challenge, And third, she needs romance/validation.

The problem is, she usually can’t find all 3 of these qualities in the same guy. So she’s usually dating or “hanging out” with up to 3 guys in order to fulfill her needs.

For example –

She’s very physically attracted to Matt and they’re going on dates, but he gives her ZERO challenge. So at 2am she heads over to Spike’s house to get some (negative) challenge. And then on Sunday, she goes to a movie with Victor. Victor is deep in the friend zone, but he gives her a daily does of compliments and validation.

You Are “Out Of Order”

Now, some guys may even possess all 3 of these qualities. Maybe you do as well.

However, your problem is that you are displaying them to her in the WRONG order.

The 3 Steps

• Step 1: She Finds You Attractive
• Step 2; You give Her a Challenge (Chase)
• Step 3: You give Her Compliments and Validation (Romance)

For example –

You say, I’m not starting a conversation with that girl. Women should approach me, You are out of order because you are trying to be a challenge (#2) before you have displayed attractiveness to her (#1) .

She finds you attractive (step #1) but then you start confessing all your feelings (step #3) before giving her any challenge (step #2) You are out of order because she doesn’t yet appreciate your validation because she’s not in love with you yet. (Hint: being a challenge – step 2 would have done that)

Or how about the super nice guy who goes straight to complimenting her (step #3) before he has even been attractive or a challenge. These are the guys that end up as her friend or therapist.

There is a “Specific” Order To This

First, she has to find you attractive. Meaning you have to be her type. She also has to enjoy your initial conversation and think – I’d give this guy a shot.

But then next, you have to give her a challenge. A positive one. Just because she’s attracted to you physically, doesn’t mean you can skip letting her chase you and go straight into confessing your love. (#3).

There’s a specific order to this.

Finally, after you given her the challenge of trying to catch you and she’s head over heels (ie. asking you if you want to be her boyfriend) – NOW you can start being romantic and revealing some feelings for her. Because unlike at the beginning, she actually values your validation, because she’s in love with you.

Bravo! You have become that super rare guy who gives her everything she needs (the 3 qualities) in just one man.

The BIG Relationship Mistake

Here’s one final mistake men make.

She finds you attractive. You give her a positive challenge. But then you give her ZERO romance. No compliments. Not even one small gift or funny card. Big mistake.

Maybe they’re paranoid about not being enough of challenge or they’re one of these “fake tough guys” that are afraid to be vulnerable,

Either way, this becomes a problem, because she doesn’t see your lack of romance as you being a challenge/attractive – she sees it as you are scared.

A lot of guys look at us dating coached and think – these guys probably never say or do anything nice for their women. So, I’ll just copy them. That’s not true at all.

Now, you don’t have to go overboard and lay rose pedals at her feet, but part of maintaining your relationship is doing (and saying) something thoughtful from time to time. You have to keep dating her.

If not, she will look for that “romance and validation” outside the relationship (a “friend” from work perhaps?) Or she will just constantly start arguments with you. You’ll think the fight was over you not doing the dishes, but it’s really due to your lack of romance. And if this happens it could lead you to losing your cool, which will lower her interest even more. And then before you know it, you are HISTORY.

Remember guys, you need to be all 3 of these qualities, but more importantly, you need to display them to her in the correct order.

What’s exciting about the #1 feeling is the thrill of the chase. The reward of working hard for something, Putting in the effort. Taking on the challenge. Winning a guy over. Getting someone that she feels is slightly above her, This is the wild roller coaster ride at the amusement park.

Note: this feeling can come in the form of a positive or negative challenge

The #2 feeling (nice guy, wimp) gives her a different type of excitement.

Note: the nice guy #2 feeling guy is just as good looking as the bad boy and makes more money. He’s no schlep.

She’s excited about being in charge. There’s less risk of being hurt or rejected (unlike her last bad-boy boyfriend). This is the “safe” ride at the amusement park.

She’s excited that a guy like this will go along with her agenda (marriage, kids, house) She’s excited about controlling things, Shes excited about being able to”fix’ you.

She likes being put on a pedestal and all the compliments. You’ll entertain her bad moods and play psychologist. You’ll buy gifts and do her favors. She knows you will message her anytime she needs attention.

She’ll be able to cancel plans and break dates and not lose you. She’ll be able to talk with her bad boy ex-boyfriend and you won;’t say anything, She will win 99% of the disagreements.

Are You Good With Women? Test Your Skills With The Dream Girl Quiz

The idea that you NEED to do “special things” to create romantic tension is, well…

NEEDY

The truth is, on some level, romantic tension between a man and a woman exists naturally.

I’m sure you’ve noticed this tension is usually lurking just beneath the surface of even your most polite conversations with women.

In most cases there is really nothing special you need to say or do

Most times attracting a woman can be as simple as just tapping into the tension that is already there.

Comfortable With Silence

One way you can tap into this natural tension is by being comfortable with silence.

Be still.

Romantic tension always seems to reveal itself during the short pauses.

Or in an extended gaze.

The connection happens naturally when you’re simply enjoying the woman in front of you…

Instead of focusing on how to “attract” her

Don’t over-complicate the concept of romantic tension by viewing it as something you NEED to create.

Instead, think of this tension as something that is always there, just waiting to be discovered. 

And if you can keep quiet for a few seconds…

You just may find it.

Are You Good With Women? Test Your Skills With The Dream Girl Quiz

But the final nail in the coffin is usually when it feels like the relationship has become more WORK than FUN for her.

Once the fun is gone, she is gone.

That’s why it’s so important to leave all of the negatives and “stress” behind when you take her out on a date. You can’t start talking about all of the problems going on in your lives.

Dating is supposed to be the welcome break from all of that stress.

I always advise you to never TALK about the relationship. Because when you bring LOGIC into something emotional like a relationship, you take all of the MAGIC out of it.

But that’s when the relationship is going GOOD.

It’s 10x worse to start talking about the relationship when things are going BAD.

Talking about what happened, why it happened, who’s to blame, and how it all started.

Who cares!

Just fix the issue. Don’t have long depressing talks about it.

Because if you keep talking about it, the relationship will start to feel like more work than fun…

And she will be gone.

Are You Good With Women? Test Your Skills With The Dream Girl Quiz

HOWEVER… you also can’t try and control her.

Although men throughout history have tried (and some cultures are still trying) you just can not control a woman.

You can’t make her like you.

You can’t force her to respect you.

And you can’t 100% guarantee that she won’t cheat on you.

You will never stop her from doing what she wants to do and seeing who she wants to see.

So why are you even trying?

Why are you yelling?

Why are you having a logical discussion about whether it’s disrespectful that’s she’s going to VEGAS with her girlfriends without you.

Why are you losing your cool?

Again, you cannot control HER.

So what’s the good news –

Well, you really only have one card but it’s a very powerful one.

It’s the willingness to (calmly) walk away.

If she is doing things that you don’t like, you have the option to say to yourself “this is not for me” “this is not good enough” and calmly walk away.

Now, the KEY is to have her understand that you are willing walk away, BEFORE you get to the BIG disagreements down the line.

If she likes you, she should be so worried about lowering your interest that she wouldn’t dream of hanging out with another guy or flirting with her ex-boyfriend on Facebook right in front of you.

This is why it’s so important to set your boundaries at the very beginning of the relationship. To show her that you can and will (calmly) walk away when you first start dating.

Remember, you can never control another person. But you can always walk away from a situation that you don’t like.

The sooner she knows THIS about you, the better off you will be.

Are You Good With Women? Test Your Skills With The Dream Girl Quiz

Here’s how to handle it with the women in your life.

If you have reached or aspire to reach the “highest level” then please read the following message:

This is only relevant if you have mastered all of the other areas we talk about. Willingness to walk away, your girl has high interest, you can attract other women (you have options) and you aren’t needy (you can live without her)

My Purpose For Coaching You: A lot of guys I coach are recovering “nice guys”. But my goal isn’t to turn you into some “tough guy” or “bad boy” with no feelings. I want more love in the world. Heck we need more LOVE in the world. But you have to master the fundamentals first before we can reach that goal together.

The good news is, in this last year you have learned a lot about women.

You are starting to understand the way things REALLY work.

As such, there is no reason to be scared anymore.

Scared to love.

Scared to appreciate women.

The good news is, no woman can ever take advantage of you again.

That is what you have been learning from the coaching.

Thus, you can now love and give your affection freely.

You don’t need to worry about not “being alpha” or “getting duped” by women

Come on!

So take your girlfriend out if you want.

Heck, take someone out if you feel like it.

Treat her nice.

Make her feel special.

Because you no longer have to worry about your girl losing interest in you.

Because you will always be able to find another girl.

And you can walk away from the ones who don’t treat you right.

You can live without her.

That means you can relax and LOVE people.

You can appreciate HER

But of course, never supplicate

This would be considered “bending the rules” and I only recommend you do this after you have mastered the rules.