It has to be this way, or it can’t be at all”
Good news!
If you’ve been going slow and making her wonder, then she’s going to start feeling very attracted to you. She’s going to start chasing.
And when this happens, you will encounter “3 female behaviors” that you need to be ready for:
- she will want to get MUSHY with you
- she will want to know how you feel (meaning she wants MORE from you)
- she will get frustrated (or MAD) if you don’t give it to her
If you want a simple way to determine what kind of reaction (test) you’re getting just think: is this…MUSHY, MORE or MAD?
But no matter which of the 3 reactions she gives you — you still handle them all the same way
…With HUMOR!
Reaction #1: She Gets MUSHY
She’s texting you about how great you are and how much she likes you.
(By the way, quick ego check. When women give you compliments, she’s really saying I AM VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW. It’s mostly about HER not YOU. But if her happy feeling goes away, because you stopped being. a challenge, then all of those things she was complimenting you on suddenly disappear. Don’t get a big HEAD)
Now, here’s where you will be tempted to pop the champagne and get mushy back with her. But that would be a huge mistake.
Here’s the thing –
She’s enjoying the chase. And It just started. So why would you take away all of her fun? You have to keep “allowing her” the pleasure of trying to win you over. (Remember, she hasn’t asked you to be her boyfriend yet, so the game isn’t over)
So when she gets MUSHY you’re going to AGREE AND AMPLIFY the compliment with humor. This is not the time to be humble or brag.
She says: I miss you — You say: If I were you, I’d miss me too
She says I really like spending time with you – you say: well, I can’t blame you
She says: I always have a great time with you —You say: You haven’t seen anything yet
Now, you don’t have to diffuse with humor every single time. You can give in a bit and return the sweetness once in a while.
But for the most part, you will showing her how much you like her through your ACTIONS, not with sappy words.
Coaching Lesson: Make Fun Of Love
You can also rotate between being “super confident” and pretending to be like the “nice guy wimp”, but in a funny way.
You do this by making fun of LOVE
Her: where have you been stranger?
You: I was giving you some space so you could YEARN for me. If you haven’t YEARNED yet, you’re really missing out
I also just think the word yearn is a funny to say. But the point is, if you can make fun of love, even once – she will fall in love with you faster
Example #2: Leaving a funny voice-note where you (poorly) sing her a love song.
Example #3 :You give her a card that at first glance seems like it’s going to be all sappy and romantic. But when she opens it, the card just ends up being really funny (not mushy)
At first when you gave her the card, she was nervous you were going to spill your guts. However, when you make a playful joke out of it, there’s a small part of her that starts to wish that you actually did confess your love.
And now she will to chase you harder to make that happen!
Reaction #2: She Gets Frustrated
When you don’t return her mush back, the second reaction you will get is “light frustration”
She’s frustrated because she wants MORE for you. She wants you to go FASTER.
- tell me how you feel?
- why don’t you text much?
- I feel like you’re “holding back”
She says: How come you rarely text?
You say: Because I’m the complete opposite of all the other guys you dropped
She says: are you ever serious?
You say: sometimes, when I’m in the BATHTUB
She says: How serious are you about this relationship?
You Say: Babe, I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Any you’re coming along for the ride (*this is a line from the Fast & The Furious)
She Says: How am I going to wait 3 more days to see you?
You say: You’re a tiger. I know you can make it. Just a few more days. I’m rooting for you!
She texts you and says “I really want to hear more about your childhood I feel like you need to open up more”
But instead of spilling your guts about how you didn’t get a puppy for your birthday, you tell her that she’s right and that you’re finally ready to be more open.
Then you text her this YouTube clip of Dr. Evil talking about his summers in Rangoon as a little boy.
Point taken.
She can’t tame your humor.
Coaching Lesson: Don’t Feel Guilty (2 Reasons)
Any whenever you start feeling”guilty” – I feel like I’m hurting her by not being mushy back with her (or not going fast enough)
Reason #1 – Always remember that you’re being a challenge for HER benefit
She’s going to feel amazing with HIGH interest and the #1 feeling in the world, while you always have to keep your interest in check so it doesn’t get out of hand.
So she’s the real winner here (wink)
Reason #2 – Plus, deep down she knows that you’re NOT a negative challenge.
You’re a “good guy” and a “gentleman” that really, really likes her. And she knows this (female intuition)
Look – Every girl has dealt with a guy she really liked that for whatever reason just didn’t like her back. And sometimes they chase this “negative challenge” for YEARS (unlike you who’s a good guy that actually likes her, a lot)
My point is – she KNOWS the REAL negative challenge type very well. She has a lot of experience with him. And so she also knows “that guy” is not you. You are the positive challenge.
If she still DEMANDS to know how you feel and where this relationship is going, just tell her to judge you on your actions.
Ask her how she thinks that you treat her?
Case closed.
Reaction #3: She Gets Really MAD
“Ouch baby…very, ouch“
The hardest reaction for guys to deal with.
Now, SOMETIMES if you don’t give in and do what she wants (for example, text her 24-7 or tell her how you feel every second) – she may go right past light frustration and into anger
The opposite of her being lovey-dovey, is when she throws you a “zinger”. However, the same rule applies, you diffuse it with HUMOR
Her: actually I take that back, I would never marry a guy like you
You: Does that mean I have to cancel the Bon Jovi cover Band I booked for our wedding?
Her: You’re not a REAL man….
You: If I’m not a man, then Ive been buying the wrong underwear for years
On the surface it may seem like you are doing WORSE when she gets mad, that you’re going backwards. But in reality, if she’s this emotional over you, then you’re doing great.
It’s working.
Coaching Lesson: Humor and Challenge Reveals “The Crazies”
If you’re dating a woman that’s used to dominating guys (wimps), then diffusing her tests with humor is really going to drive her NUTS,
So, if she goes BERSERK over something silly like not sending her enough text messages, that means she was more into CONTROLLING YOU than wanting a CHALLENGE.
Warning:
If she’s never dated a “positive challenge” before, she is absolutely going to throw the kitchen sink at you to make sure that you’re the real deal.
However, if you stay calm and diffuse all of her tests/drama with HUMOR, she will start purring like a kitten.
OR if she’s a NUTCASE, her head will explode and she will go absolutely CRAZY (and not in a good way)
If she goes BONKERS, then diffusing her tests with humor actually protected you, because she would have completely ruined your life. Remember, being a “Positive Challenge” brings out the worst in crazy women. Women who want to control you absolutely HATE challenge. Best that you find all of this out now.
As for the sane gals, when she finally gives up and stops testing you – she will turn into soft putty in your hands, This means she’s never met a guy like you. A guy that could CALMLY stand up to all of her tests and drama.
Congratulations, you now own her heart.
The Magic Formula: I am The Prize + Humor
The point is this –
She finally sees you as a guy she has to chase. A guy she needs to work to win over. A #1 feeling guy. An orange,
At first she wasn’t fully buying into that frame. But she has finally started accepting that you are the prize. So you must continue to reinforce that narrative with playful humor.
The best humor is anything that reinforces the narrative that she is chasing you.
I call it – “I am the prize / you’re chasing me” humor
And it’s attractive because it shows CONFIDENCE and reinforces that you are a #1 feeling guy.
For example, let’s say you guys are walking down a busy street and she’s on the outside facing the traffic, so she says:
Her: Hey, isn’t the man supposed to walk on the outside to protect the woman?
You: Don’t worry, if you die…. I’ll tell the world your story
Now, obviously you’re just kidding around, and you can move to the outside. However, the message has been sent.
I am more valuable, I am the prize here. So I can’t get hit by a car and die (you do this in a playful way of course)
Yep, you just gave her a POSITIVE challenge.
Coaching Point:
Just remember to never make your HUMOR come off as being cocky. If it seems egotistical, she will think you are overcompensating and secretly insecure. You acting like the prize and her chasing you should be a fun frame for both of you to enjoy, You are doing it for her benefit.
You should both be laughing!
Keep Her Chasing (She’s Enjoying It)
The biggest mistake my clients make is abandoning the chase just when it’s starting to pay off. If you’ve only gone on a few dates, it’s still too early to get all mushy or go too fast.
Of course-
it’s always helpful to have an idea of what her interest level is, but for the first 10 dates, even if it’s high, it doesn’t mean much.
Kind of like how people on a game show may have accumulated $15,550 dollars in the round, but it’s not TRULY their money to take home until they win the game.
stop smiling, the money isn’t yours yet!
Instead, keep allowing her the PLEASURE of getting to chase you. Let have some FUN trying to win you over.
Allow Her To Do Stuff For You, If She Wants To
If she says, I’m going to Starbucks for coffee, do you want me to pick you up one? Don’t say, no thanks, I’m good. Let he buy you coffee and bring it to you. Bonus point if you have a funny and complicated order. I want a Tall, Mocha, Frap, with Goat Milk and no whip cream. I’m counting om you!
Remember guys, she’s happiest when chasing you!