“She secretly wishes you would slow her down” – Chris Sixty
Most guys go way too fast with women.
But sometimes it’s not YOU who’s speeding.
Sometimes SHE starts off going too fast.
There are times when she INSTANTLY has the #1 feeling for you. Maybe you’re exactly her type (she loves guys with light blue eyes). Or maybe you had “high status” in the environment where you met.
For example, you play drums in a 90’s tribute band and she freaking LOVES Pearl Jam! Throw in that “new relationship feeling”, and she just hit 100% interest in you (temporarily)
In other words, you instantly gave her the #1 feeling in the world. The feeling that this guy is out of my league. So she comes on really strong.
But That #1 Feeling Never Lasts
Maybe you’ve only known her for a few days and she’s already blowing up your phone. Or she’s begging to see you again, when you just saw her yesterday.
So you think –
Man, she is so into me. I can break all the rules. I don’t have to listen to Chris. I really like this girl. I don’t need to let her chase me. I can text her everyday because she wants me to. She likes me so much, what’s the big deal if we spend all weekend together.
And let’s face it, you don’t care that she’s going fast, because you already have the #1 feeling in the world towards her. Unlike women, men don’t lose interest when the girl they like goes fast.
They love it!
But that #1 feeling never lasts. Because the most points you can get from your looks and status is 50. I don’t care if you are Brad Pitt – 50 is the max. To get the other 50 points and reach 100% (love) you have to give her some form of challenge. No challenge. No chance.
So now her text messages don’t seem as enthusiastic. She’s taking longer and longer to get back to you. And then she cancels your Thursday night date at the last minute. (her dog wasn’t feeling good)
Finally, you break down and ask her – what’s wrong?
And here’s where she says the most shocking words you’ll ever hear in your life.
She tells YOU that SHE wants to slow things down. And that “she” doesn’t think she wants a serious relationship right now.
Female Translation:
It’s YOUR fault that things moved too quickly — even though I was the one who wanted to go fast. In other words, she sped everything up, and now you are paying the price for it.
If you weren’t so crushed, you’d almost have to laugh at the pure absurdity of it all.
It’s “Your Job” To Slow Her Down
“Within an hour of getting home, she text-messaged me OUT OF NOWHERE and said, “I really want to take things slow.” I’m like, what? You just asked me to meet your parents!”
If you thought is was hard to have patience when she wasn’t interested, it’s 10x as hard to have self-control when she likes you!
If she doesn’t have the self control to take things at the proper pace, it’s your job to have the self-control for her.
Okay, let’s say she invites you to her sisters wedding for a third date.
Or better yet, she invites you over to her place to cook dinner on a second date.
Now, you may be thinking, Chris, a girl inviting you over to cook you dinner sounds amazing. Why the heck would you turn that down?
Well, I just had a coaching client in that exact same situation. He went over to her place and all she wanted to make-out the whole time. So he went along with her idea of speeding things up physically, never once being the one to pullback and stop first.
And so like clockwork she gave him the old – “I really want to take things slow” speech
Followed by this text message right after her left:
“It was so nice getting to know you, but I’m going to be taking a break from dating”
Yeah, right.
What happened is that she sped things up. You went along with it, And then when it felt like things were moving way too fast – she blamed it on you. (even though it was all her idea)
Your Need To “Save Her” From Herself
Even if she admitted that she went too fast (don’t hold your breath) you’re still the only one who will feel the pain – because she’s breaking up with you!
It’s a sad story I’ve heard hundreds of time from my clients. What he should have done is politely declined her offer to come over and suggested going out on a date instead.
It’s too soon for that.
Now, if you were just looking to “fool around” and have some fun, sure, go for it. However, if you want this girl to fall for you. And you want her to be obsessed with you for two years, instead of just two days – then you politely turn her offer down and suggest something else.
Here’s another war story from a coaching client that just got dumped.
She mentioned me coming on too strong as the reason for the breakup. Though most of the stuff she started doing first – like saying “I love you” and talking about getting a ring. I probably shouldn’t have gone along with it because we hadn’t been together very long.
Give Her The “Slow Down” Speech
Whether shes going really slow or too fast, you keep the same pace.
Every guy needs to slow a girl down “at least once” during the dating process by giving her The Slow Down Speech
I make sure all of my clients do this because it makes a HUGE difference.
The 3 areas you may have to slow her down in are:
- The time between dates (1 a week to start)
- the amount of texting (almost none)
- getting intimate (the slower the better)
Even if she’s not going that fast – if you can politely slow her down, even once, she’ll end up being 10X more attracted to you. It reverses the whole dynamic and makes it feel like she is chasing you.
Actually say the words — I want to take things slow.
She will agree and work even harder to win you over.
Coaching Point: Look, most women are going to try and slow you down at some point in the relationship. You might as well “beat her to the punch” and slow her down first.
And in a way, she WANTS you to slow her down. She secretly hopes you’re that #1 feeling guy that’s going to allow her to work to win you over.
Use These “Slow Down” Lines
- Lets go on a few more dates first
- I’d like for us to get to know each other better first
- I think it’s a little too soon for that
- I’m really not a big texter
- I’ll tell you all about it on our next date
Bonus: You’ll be the first guy in her entire life to ever say these things.
Because remember, if you just blindly go along with “going fast”, it will end up being your fault, not hers.
The Magic Formula: High Interest + Time
the 60 day countdown clock
You need 2 ingredients to make her fall in love. High interest and TIME
I like to use this analogy.
No matter if you are winning 90-0, you can’t “officially” win a football game in the first quarter. You still have to finish the game. You still have to run out the clock.
Making her fall in love is the same way. You may be winning, but until you get your time in, you haven’t won.
For a football game, that means 60 minutes. But for love, it’s 60 days.
Because having high interest in you for 2 weeks is a lot different than her having high interest in you for 2 months. Having months of high interest is way more solid. The longer the time in you have, the more mistakes she’ll allow you to make.
Going slow raises her interest – but it also buys you TIME
Time that passes while she’s busy trying to figure you out. She may have high interest, but if she’s already got you pegged after 2 dates, you aren’t going to be able to get more time in. And then she won’t become your girlfriend.
You forgot the second ingredient for falling in love, TIME.
The amount of TIME that she spends under the spell of “high interest” So if she’s frustrated that you don’t text her everyday, not only will it raise her interest – but it also slows things down so you can get more “time in” with her.
In conclusion –
I’ve found there are two thing guys forget about a girls “interest”. One, it’s not binary, Meaning, it’s not is she interested or is she uninterested. There are degrees of interest (like a score).
And second, even if she is very interested, you always have to ask yourself – for how long has she been interested?
Never forget the TIME is the second part of the dream girl formula
Video Companion
Advanced Class: Ditch Your Ego
When a woman goes fast, a lot of guys make the mistake of thinking she must be going so fast — because I am so great. That’s just your ego talking.
Most likely, she is going fast because she just got rejected by a negative challenge and she wants to end that pain as fast as possible. That’s why most REBOUND relationships FAIL. However, now that you have this program, and you know how to slow her down, that will never happen to you.
Another possibility is that she goes really fast with every guy. Or worse, she’s going fast because she has low self-esteem. So it’s more about her not wanting to be alone, versus you being special.
I was just working with a guy who got dumped after SHE had moved too fast. When I asked him about her dating history, it came out that she married a guy after only knowing him for 4 months.
Mystery solved. She goes fast with everyone.