If there was one word that captures how to keep her interested long-term I would have to say – maintenance.
90% of your total time with a woman will be maintenance mode. You spend 4 years at a college, but you’re an alumni for 40 years. You spend 2 or 3 months dating to get her interest in the 90s, but you spend the next 40 years keeping it there.
And although that may sound hard, it’s actually very easy.
My friend hit the gym hard for a couple months. He really put a lot of hours in and also ate super healthy. Now? he can pop in the gym for about 20 minutes, do a few pull-ups and maintain his shape. While the rest of us are slaving away for hours. This guy can even have a big bowl of ice cream as a treat when he wants.
I finally got my dream house in a great neighborhood that I’ve wanted to get into for years. So I’m not going to let the lawn die, the roof leak or ignore a broken window. I’m going to take “pride in ownership”. It’s the same thing with the woman that loves you.
You’ve already done the hard work of getting her to see you as a #1 feeling guy (she had to work hard to win you over) – so now it’s all about maintaining that feeling.
And the best part is it doesn’t take a lot of effort. But it does take some effort. It’s kind of like being on a swing as a kid. It takes a lot of pushing to get you up high in the air but once you gain momentum, it only takes the occasional big push to keep you there.
It’s amazing to think that by going slow and being patient for just 2 months, with a little maintenance, 30 years later she can still see you as the man of her dreams. A positive challenge. A #1 feeling guy. The first 60 days pays off forever.
A buddy of mine had this beautiful model that wanted to date him. But because he was still getting over his ex, he slowed her down, was a challenge and didn’t try too hard.
Well, it’s 15 years later and this total “knockout” still sees him as the prize. As the guy she had to work to win over. And her attraction is still up in the stars. All because he did the first 60 days right (even if it was by accident) and kept up with maintenance.
Don’t Forget What Got Her
The first mistake guys make once she becomes “the girlfriend” is to immediately throw out the rule book and see her every day. Not smart.
While dating you were seeing her once a week, so now you can see her twice a week to start. Remember, you can always slowly add more time together, but once you do, you can never go backwards.
One thing that never changes though is the texting. You still shouldn’t text much or her desire to see you in real life will decrease.
I don’t mind you taking a weekend trip together, but I would wait to see how you get along doing that before you take a week long vacation. And of course, now that she’s your girlfriend you will be “staying over” at reach others places.
Just don’t hangout at your place (or her apartment) so much that it starts to feel like you guys live together. Don’t start leaving all your stuff there or vice versa. It’s too soon for that. Get up, get dressed and go out and do something fun.
Netflix And Chill
The man’s super bowl is Netflix, ordering food and getting “intimate” without ever having to leave the house.
Sure, you’ve earned a little of that for having the patience and self-control over these past 2 months to get her. Just don’t lay around too often or the relationship will start to feel boring.
This is true even if she’s the one who says she wants to stay in and “relax”. Or feels like being “lazy”. Because like everything else, if you always go along with it and the relationship gets stale, it will be blamed on you. (even though she was the one pushing to always stay home)
Oh by the way, she never remembers saying she wanted to stay in Even though you have a recording of it. Her response, are you sure that’s my voice? And also, “her therapist” just told her that she needs to set more boundaries, so could you please take all of your stuff out of my apartment. You’re the best!
You Have a Better Chance “Going Out”
What’s funny is, if you notice a dip in her physical affection and intimacy, the trick is to get out of house and do something exciting. Not stay inside. Although you would think being alone together in the house, and having a drink, something is bound to happen.
It’s just the opposite.
You need to take her out on an exciting date and then come home and something may happen. Ask any married guy who’s kids are away for the night. He thinks just because they are alone, the mood will strike her. Nope. He needs to take her out on an exciting date and then she will want physical affection.
Warning: Women Never Give Back Ground
You can always loosen up on the rules as time goes on. However, it’s almost impossible to tighten them after you’ve been a pushover.
Women are similar.
She is like a country who captured an island in some war way back in 1622, Once she gains that ground with you, she will NEVER to give it back.
For example –
Once you fall into a pattern of texting her everyday, it’s going to be very hard for her to give that attention up. Same thing with how often you see her. If you see her 3 days a week (before she’s your girlfriend) good luck getting her to agree to just once a week.
And don’t be fooled into thinking that she doesn’t want to cut back because of how much she likes you. It has nothing to do with that.
The REAL reason is that she feels she has already earned that ground and she sees giving it back as losing something. As going backwards. Even if deep down she knows that seeing you too often is lowering her interest. Too bad.
Advanced Class: Challenge or Control?
So why would a woman keep wanting you to text all the time, even though she knows it lowers her interest?
That’s because once there’s nothing to “chase”, women make up for it with “control”. Control is her consolation prize to make up for the fact that you weren’t a challenge. In other words, the only exciting thing about you now is that she can run the show. She’s in charge.
Translation:
She no longer has the #1 feeling in the world (getting to chase you) so she settles for the #2 feeling (getting to be in control of the relationship). So in a way, getting you to “check in” with her all the time, means that she has completely tamed you. (a pleasurable feeling)
Coaching Point: A “Wild Tiger” Can Only Be Tamed Once
It’s only fun to solve a mystery the first time. She’s only interested in taming the wild tiger (you) once. She isn’t going to be excited/motivated to do it all over again. If she really wants to experience a challenge, she can just go date a new guy. One that she hasn’t tamed…yet.
So remember, go in slooowly and be careful how much of yourself you give away. Because a wild tiger can only be tamed once.
Main Coaching: Be A Challenge For You
“I actually really like not texting, it makes me miss her more too“
I spent years studying the secrets for keeping a woman attracted forever.
Then one day I realized the real question wasn’t how could I keep one woman attracted to me…
(That was going to be the easy part)
It was how am I ever going to stay attracted to one woman?
And that’s the moment I realized that I needed to become a challenge for ME
Not for HER
I realized that too much time together will lower my interest, so I limit the number of days we hangout.
I realized that constantly talking on the phone, texting, and messaging will eventually turn me off…so I don’t do it.
I realized that arguing and nagging will make me want to end things – so I diffuse it with humor
And I know if I don’t go out with my friends and work on my hobbies I will lose attraction for HER
I finally realized that the secret for keeping a woman forever is to be a challenge for YOURSELF, not for HER
I also know that once my attraction is gone…. it’s over forever.
And that can be a scary thought when you really care for someone.
So I’m sorry, but I need to be a CHALLENGE to avoid losing interest in you.
This is the mindset every guy should strive for.
Not surprisingly, guys with this mindset never have women leave them.
They just seem to stick around forever.
Video Companion
Women Are Enhancers (Double Your Pleasure)
Women are like sunny weather, she can ENHANCE aspects of your your life, but she can’t be everything.
I always say – there’s nothing better than your romantic life going great AND your personal life going great.
A woman alone can’t make you happy. But she CAN make you happier if you already are.
A lot of guys make the mistake of neglecting their personal lives and spending every second with her (or thinking about her). They forget about their friends, their career and exercise.
The problem with this is, if she does leave you, now not only are you in “physical pain” from the rejection, but your personal life is also in shambles.
Instead, double your pleasure by using this time to achieve even more in your personal life. So when you do spend time with her, you’re even MORE excited!
Saying I Love You (Show Don’t Tell)
A lot of my students ask when is it okay to say – I Love You.
Just like it has to be HER idea to want to be exclusive or your girlfriend, it also has to be HER IDEA to say I love you first.
So please don’t just blurt that out.
Not because we are trying to be “cool” or “tough guys” with no feelings, it’s just that like everything else, we want “loving you” to be her idea. Because let’s face it. everything that happens or doesn’t happen, IS her idea.
Plus, it’s really about SHOWING her that you love her through your actions. The words are meaningless. So make sure you always show her that you love her by being romantic and treating her with respect.
If she throws you a curve and out of nowhere asks…. “do you love me?”
All you have to tell her is… “How do I treat you?” There’s your answer right there.
Don’t Forget To Appreciate Her
Appreciation counts as a half “I Love You”
In my opinion, a phrase much better than saying I love you is – I appreciate (this) about you.
The opposite of being appreciated is feeling like you’re being taken for granted.
Avoid that by telling her that you appreciate something she did every once in a while. Women will do a lot for you (especially if she has a giving personality). So always remember to be appreciative.
There are also other ways to say I love you without actually saying those words. For example, you give her a funny card but write “I’m the luckiest man in the world”.
You just said I love you without actually having to say it.
What About Arguments?
If you can answer this question correctly, it will change your life.
What is the #1 thing couples argue over:
- A) Money
- B) Infidelity, Cheating
- C) Not helping out around the house
- D) Nothing
The correct answer is D. Nothing.
90% of arguments between couples are about trivial things that mean absolutely nothing and don’t matter.
Remind yourself of that the next time you get upset and want to go a few rounds with her. No matter who “wins” , arguing lowers her interest and 90% of the time you are arguing over NOTHING.
Plus, once people get to the point of arguing, nobody cares about LOGIC anymore. Even if you make an “amazing point” or clearly stated your case, she doesn’t care.
SHE’S MAD AT YOU BECAUSE SHE HAS LOW INTEREST IN YOU
Because this has nothing to do with whatever you were arguing about (ie. leaving dirty plates in the sink) The argument was REALLY about her sinking interest level. (so correct that)
The “Juicy Fruit” Theory
Let me leave you with this last word on relationships. Getting a new girlfriend feels like a having a big piece of delicious fruit just waiting to be devoured.
Now look, you’ve earned it. So I’m not going to get on your case and tell you what you can or can’t do.
However, if you start messaging her everyday, or hanging out 5 times a week — In other words, you try to suck every last piece of delicious juice out of that fruit right away — then in a few months (or maybe just a few weeks) you’ll be left with nothing. The fruit will be gone, And the relationship will be over.
Instead, you want to slowly enjoy the fruits of your labor. Keep being a challenge and pace yourself. So this way, two years from now, she’ll be just as attracted to you as she was on day one. And you’ll feel the same way about her.
Audio Companion
Achieve Mastery: Your Learning Continues
This completes the 25 most important lessons for successful dating and relationships.
However your journey is far from over. Truly mastering this material requires consistent study, So besides going back and reading these 25 lessons again and again (you should be reading at least one lesson a day for the rest of your life)
You can also check out my other top rated programs that will increase her attraction for you.