It’s time for – “THE TALK”
But this is the good talk.
Here’s where all of your self-control and patience finally pays off.
That moment when she “cracks” and asks to be your girlfriend (exclusive and official)
It doesn’t get any better than this.
Why Make Things Official?
First, it’s usually a bad sign if she never mentions wanting to be a couple. Women that are falling in love, will always at least HINT at the idea.
If I’m coaching a guy and he’s on date number 12 and she still hasn’t said anything, I’ll think something is OFF. And I’m usually right. Usually she has low interest and just wants someone to kill time with while she waits for something better.
That being said, even if she wants to, you can’t agree to being her boyfriend too early (ie. after only 3-5 dates). It would be too soon for that. Therefore, you’d have to politely slow her down and tell her that it sounds great but you’d like to go on a few more dates first.
Another reason to make things official is to avoid any misunderstandings. Like 6 months into dating when you find out she’s still seeing someone else on the side. And then she says, well, you never told me you wanted to be exclusive/serious. More like she never said anything.
Remember she will always bring it up if and when she’s interested.
It Always Has To Be “Her Idea”
Her: “I only like my own ideas”
Let her initiate “THE TALK”
Meaning, moving the relationship forward has to be her idea. People love their own ideas and think others people’s ideas stink. Even if it secretly was your idea, she has to at least THINK it was her idea.
So, you can’t bring it up first.
And you can’t try and “talk” her into it.
Even if she agrees to be your girlfriend, it will always feel like you had to convince her to do it. Which won’t give her the #1 feeling in the world.
You’re Getting Close, When She Starts Hinting
Pay close attention.
When her interest in becoming your girlfriend starts to rise, she will drop hints.
The first hint is when she starts asking about your thoughts on relationships. It’s subtle, but she will ask you what you think about love or what happened with your past girlfriends.
However, there are two specific HINTS she will drop when she’s getting close.
#1 The Exclusive Hint (Jealousy)
The first hint is, some version of – are you seeing anybody else?
But here’s the thing, there doesn’t actually need to be another girl for you to convey there “might” be.
You do that by going slow , disappearing for a few days between dates and not texting her all the time.
When you do that she is going to assume you are dating other girls – and if she likes you, she is gong to want to beat them out for your heart.
Men and women are different in this regard. Men don’t need other guys to be after their girl to confirm that she’s attractive. But when women THINK other women are after you (even if you aren’t dating anyone else) it makes her think she is making the right choice. It confirms she was right. YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE.
So you don’t need to post pictures of you with other women on social media. Or make it blatantly obvious there are other women in the picture (like leaving a coffee cup with lipstick on it in your car)
Just by taking things slow and being a challenge – she is going to assume you re dating other girls, even if you aren’t. That is how a positive challenge creates jealousy.
So what will she say?
Well, she may casually mention how your profile is still up on a dating site. Or how come you still have the Tinder app on your phone. Or, so how many other girls are you dating.
All good signs.
Now, this doesn’t always mean she is 100% ready to be your girlfriend, but she’s getting very close.
Coaching Note: you can never ask her to be exclusive with you or stop dating/seeing other guys. Being exclusive has to be her idea, not yours. Believe me, when she is interested in you, she will bring it up. But you can’t force the issue or “talk” her into being exclusive with you.
#2 The “Official” Hint
The BEST hint is some version of —
What’s going on with us?
Or what are we?
If you hear these words, it’s time to slam the basketball and close the deal.
How To Close The Deal (3 Steps)
Step 1:
Like we said, she has to think becoming your girlfriend was her idea. So you’ll have to wait for her to say:
- Are you seeing anyone else?
- What’s going on with us?
- What should I introduce you as?
Step 2:
When she says, — so what are we?
You need to help her out and finish her thought.
Her: My sister asked me what we are and I didn’t know what to tell her.
You: “Is that your way of suggesting that you want to be my girlfriend?”
Her: well, um, kind of yeah… (slightly blushing)
Step 3:
You close the deal by saying:
Cool, I feel the same way. Let’s do it.
Boom! You are now OFFICIALLY a couple.
But the best part is, this all felt like it was her idea.
Like she asked you.
Remember, the 3 key words are: ARE YOU SAYING you want to be my girlfriend. You want to call out that SHE is the one who is pushing for this to happen.
Use Your “Peak” Leverage
Realize that right before you accept being her boyfriend – you have what I call – peak leverage.
What I mean is, let’s say she still has a negative challenge ex boyfriend hanging around that she still has contact with. Well, now is the best time to make sure you set clear boundaries so that doesn’t come back to bite you.
Because if you just accept being her boyfriend without addressing any of these concerns, good luck changing them AFTER you guys become a couple.
Hold out for the best deal, or tell her you want to leave your relationship the way it is,
You Are Now an “Official” Couple
Congratulations! You did it.
This will be a very special night of conversation, affection, and intimacy, Nice! You’ve earned it.
Tonight, you can sit back and enjoy yourself.
But tomorrow, it’s time to think about your plan for how to keep her.
Because as hard as the dating process is, keeping a woman interested in you long term, can be even more difficult.
Let’s discover how.