“You can be in a serious relationship, but you should never BE serious” – Chris Sixty
Fun Guys Last FOREVER
She wants to tame you.
It’s just her nature.
And in some areas, you will eventually “give in” and let her. For example, when you officially become a couple, you’ll no longer be dating other women. She wants to feel like she got you to commit to her. (whip sound)
However, there is one area where you should never let a woman tame you.
Your sense of HUMOR
It’s Just a Game Focker
“Enlightenment is the transformation of anxiety into humor”
Guys who are obsessed with her don’t act silly, they act STIFF and SERIOUS…. and that’s a dead giveaway that you believe she is above you.
If it’s not funny, don’t say it (or send it)
One of the biggest mistakes I see with my coaching clients is, they get way too serious once they like a girl.
They become “scared to blow it”
Your text messages are serious, Your voice messages are serious. You actually take her “drama” seriously.
You freak out if she’s mad at you about something. You actually engage her in logical talks about the “status” of your relationship.
You say things like:
- we met up and had an “emotional discussion’
- I told her there was “a lot to unpack” – so we should definitely talk
- Chris, I’m going to need the perfect response to her text
Come on man, loosen up.
Romantic love is just a game. Sure, put yourself out there and be a loving person, but stop taking this so seriously. It shows her you don’t understand what’s going on here.
It’s like that scene in the movie “Meet The Parents” where Greg takes the game of pool volleyball way too seriously.
That’s most guys when it comes to the game of LOVE.
Guys Who ” ACT” Serious, Get Rejected
Romantic love is playful and fun, not serious.
Think about it –
Is Vince Vaughn ever “serious” with women? No, he’s always diffusing her tests with humor and being a CLOWN.
Being “serious” is also a dead giveaway that you’re way more invested in the relationship than she is. It’s obvious you are “looking to her for approval” and that you’re afraid to say or do anything that might upset her.
Plus –
When you act too “serious” at the beginning, it signals to her that you want to get SERIOUS right away (as in, you want have a serious relationship with her). This is bad because it will either:
a) make her feel like things are moving too fast and she will drop you
b) or worse… she will actually LIKE that you are so serious. And so from this moment on you can never go back to being that fun and playful guy. In other words, she’ll be planning her $100,000 wedding in 3 months.
Remember, it’s only a game FOCKER!
The Secret To Women is “Wackiness”
“That’s me…. El Clowno” – George Constanza
(def) Wackiness: The quality of being unusual in an exciting way
Obviously, the worst thing you can do in your communications with women is to be LOGICAL and BORING.
Hey, what’s up?
How are you?
What are you doing?
A big step up from logic and serious, is engaging her in playful BANTER. This type of teasing is great for building a solid base of attraction.
Look, like every other dating coach I could tell you to be “funny” and make her “laugh”. But I know that’s just average and not going to be enough (to beat out the negative challenge)
The highest level of “attractive communication” is adding a little wackiness. And by “wacky” I mean saying whatever you want simply because it amuses you. (not to impress her)
Humor is one of the 3 life-long challenges you will give women (also known as the un-tameables). The other two being, putting a high value on your TIME and controlling your REACTIONS.
Silliness is “Attractive”
IF IT MAKES SENSE….
YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!
The reason why being SILLY works so well is because of what it communicates.
Wackiness communicates that you are NOT so serious about her. Every other guy is worried about sending the “perfect text” or worrying if what they say is going to be considered funny or attractive.
Because even when you send her a CLEVER text, it still comes off like you are TRYING to attract her. However, when you send a text that’s a bit unusual OR doesn’t make 100% sense, you send the message – I’m not trying to win your approval.
When you are SILLY, she feels her control over you slipping away.
Plus, you create confusion and mystery – which keeps her reacting to you and not the other way around.
Let’s look at 3 examples.
Leave Funny Voice Notes (Example #1)
Here’s one example:
Instead of leaving her a boring, logical voicemail or voice note like THIS one:
You want to channel some classic “Lionel Richie” and then hangup without giving her any details.
Client Success Story
Hey Chris, when she called back the first thing she said was:
“That was quite the performance. I like your singing voice” We both had a good laugh about it (that was really great advice by the way)
This technique alone is worth double the price of the book. Put it into practice and be amazed at the results.
Of course, women who aren’t interested in you or want to control the relationship, won’t like this one bit.
She may text back “You’re being weird” hoping to put you in your place and get you back to being the “serious” guy (this is a test). But she can’t control you. You’re the lion that can’t be tamed. Plus, this also gives her a “positive challenge” as she gets FRUSTRATED (a good thing) trying to make you more serious.
#1 Technique: Make Fun Of Love (Example #2)
Here’s a very advanced but powerful concept,
If you can make a joke out of being in LOVE with her – or poke harmless fun at “nice guys” who confess their feelings too soon – but deep down she knows that you are really a loving sweet guy (and not some fake-tough guy who’s really just scared of being vulnerable) – she will give you MASSIVE amounts of attraction points.
For example – you message her this:
Message 1: I’ve been thinking a lot about us and I just wanted to tell you how I feel.
Message 2: audio message (you singing the Shania Twain song) …. I FEEL like a woman! (add guitar sound effects and fade out)
By the way, giving her a homemade card that at first seems like it’s going to be all MUSHY, but then ends up being funny and not serious, works wonders as well!
Non-Serious Texting (Example #3)
Her: Hey, how’s your day going?
You: Pretty good, the freeway was backed up so I got to work really late (logical, serious)
Her: Hey, how’s your day going?
Me; The best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cup! (pickle emoji)
Side note:
I rarely use emojis (and I recommend my students avoid them). However, if I do, I never send the appropriate one for the situation. I’ll just pick a random emoji and send it. Bonus points if she asks you what it means?
Look, your humor may be different than mine.
I like to sing funny song lyrics and recite quotes from the movie Good Fellas. But as Joe Pesci would say, I’m not some clown. The difference is, all of the funny things I say and do are done for my own amusement. Not to impress her. (and she senses that)
Challenge + Wacky = The Key To Women
Look, I’ve met many guys who could be considered a “challenge” or were hard to read “emotionally”. And these guys had many girls chasing them. So, if you want to beat these “bad boys” out and win her heart – you need to be both a challenge and WACKY. (these bad boys may be a challenge, but most of them come off too serious and uptight) Like they have a stick up their butt.
Never Let Her Tame Your “Good Mood”
Listen up, here’s an important coaching point –
Being a challenge isn’t about “pretending” to act cold, distant or aloof. You’re a challenge because she can’t get you to be SERIOUS, she can’t TAME your humor and she can’t effect your great MOOD.
You are being silly and amusing yourself. You’re having fun living in your own reality.
You are the “happy tiger” at the zoo that the trainers just can’t seem to tame. They may be frustrated, but they (secretly) admire you.
You should never let what she says or does take you out of your great mood. Everything is always positive and never serious. Do not “buy in” or react to her dramas.
Do nor get involved in anything she says or does that doesn’t have to do with going on a romantic date or helps raise her interest level. That includes drama, gossip and things that don’t make any sense.
Remember, you’re a busy successful guy, you have no time for this.
If she brings the drama or throws you a curve ball, it doesn’t effect you one bit, She doesn’t have the power to “change your mood” or get you to “lose your cool”.
Silliness “Does NOT Count” As Giving Her Attention
And here’s the best part.
Even though you occasionally have to send a text or voice message, if you make it playful and silly, it doesn’t count as giving her attention.
For example, let’s say it’s her birthday.
Every guy is going to write Happy Birthday and fawn over her. Now, you aren’t going to just ignore her birthday. But if you message her –
Birthdays were the worst days, now we sip champagne when we thirsty! (Biggie Smalls)
You get the credit for sending the message but it also doesn’t count as giving her SERIOUS attention and gushing over her birthday.
Advanced Class:
One important note – never laugh at your own jokes.
Like everything else, we do this “deadpan”. Which means that you deliver your humor lines with a straight face.
Also, even if she thinks your antics are the funniest thing in the world, do not become her on-call comedian. You only do this when you feel like it (and obviously less is more)
The 10% Serious Rule
Another benefit is that when you guys do occasionally have a “deep” conversation, it will seem even more special to her.
Aw! You’re a big sweetheart after all.
Hint: It’s the contrast of being serious 10% of the time, that makes you seem even more ATTRACTIVE
The lesson is, you should never censor your unique personality in the hopes of making a girl like you. Because the moment you start acting serious, she’ll know that she has TAMED you.
The “Attractive Mood” Scale:
- Depressed (Sad)
- Upset, Reactive (Bad Mood)
- Serious, Logical, Factual (Boring)
- Happy
- Silly !!!
Notice how being silly is #1.
Also notice how being silly shows the world you’re even happier than someone who is just happy. You are so happy (and in such a great mood) that you’re being SILLY.
When paired with challenge and the willingness to walk away, it’s the most attractive combination in the world.
WHY “NOT BEING SERIOUS” IS SO POWERFUL
Romantic love is a woman’s turf. This is her wheelhouse. She’s been studying, talking and reading about this TOPIC, forever. This is her deal. (so in a way although she comes off cool and calm, she takes it very seriously) And she wants YOU to take it seriously too.
So when you don’t “buy in” or take her tests and dramas seriously, she gets frustrated. You refuse to play along and this becomes a HUGE challenge for her.
It’s like people who take the news and politics very seriously.
What the only thing that can cause a bigger argument than liking the “opposite” political party as someone – tell them that you never watch the news and that you don’t care. They go ballistic! They will tell you that you just can’t bury your head in the sand and that you aren’t a good citizen.
Well it’s the same thing with women. So you aren’t going to get too serious if she really likes you and you’re not going to get too serious when she’s mad at you. In fact, you won’t take anything too serious, not even a breakup.
If you do this right it will drive her crazy. And yes, she will be frustrated. But the good news is that she will respect you and more importantly he will be in love with you because you gave her a POSITIVE challenge.