“The best scams of all time are when the person being scammed thinks they’re the one taking advantage of you” – Chris Sixty
How do we define low interest?
Well, if it were a score, it would be interest between 40-49 out of 100.
But that’s not the biggest issue. The main problem is that interest between 40-49 can not be raised above 50. It’s like you’re working in the mail room but there is no chance of advancement in her company. You are stuck there (forever)
So how did you get here?
Most of the times your score was above 50 at one point and then you lowered it by making mistakes. Or worse, your score was never above 50 to begin with. Which means when she first saw you, you weren’t her physical type at all (but she enjoyed the attention)
If you lowered her interest due to making mistakes, we should work to correct them through coaching immediately. Even if you can’t get her back. You don’t want to keep making the same mistakes over and over, from girl to girl.
The Dangers of 40-49 Interest
Danger #1 – She Will Control You
Interest between 40-49 defines the #2 feeling in the world relationship. She isn’t chasing you, so she doesn’t have that #1 feeling. However she gets some pleasure out of the fact that you really like her. (ego boost)
The danger here is that since she is not getting the #1 feeling (trying to win you over) she makes up for that by trying to control you. She;s in charge (of everything). But that hole can never be filled. She will always be unhappy if her interest is 40-49.
Danger #2 – She Has a “Secret” Agenda for You
Women know exactly what they want.
Sometimes a woman will stay with you despite having low interest because she figures that at least you will GLADLY fulfill her agenda. (no questions asked)
For example, she wants to get engaged in the next 12 months (all her friends are getting married). She wants to start having kids in 2 years. And she wants to move to California with a guy who can actually afford to buy a house there.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with having an agenda (we all do)
But if you just go along with hers because you feel that if you don’t, she will leave you – it’s an issue. You want her to like you for you, not because you’re the only guy that will go along with HER plan. What about your plan? Your agenda? Yeah right, if she has low interest, she won’t care much about that.
How To Spot Low Interest
#1 – The first sign of low interest is she just won’t chase you. Women with interest above 50 enjoy playing the game of trying to win you over and working for it. Not so with low interest gals.
Instead of playing along or getting a bit frustrated, Miss low interest gets ANGRY! Very angry. She wants you to text back right away or she will block you. If you wait a few days to call and ask her out – she tells you that you blew your chance and that she doesn’t like to play games. (whew, you just dodged a bullet)
#2 – Another way to spot a low interest “faker” is that she hardly ever laughs. She wants you to be “serious” al the time. No jokes allowed. No funny texts, no funny voice notes. To her, relationships are serious business, so you should be too.
#3 – She says sorry a lot. Check your messages. Do you see a lot of I’m sorry’s and sad face emojis. Does she use the words stressed, busy and sick? This is her putting in effort to hide the fact that her interest in you isn’t high. Because if she was done with you (39%) she wouldn’t even put in the effort to give excuses. She would just disappear.
The Brad Pitt Test
For anything she says, simply replace YOURSELF with Brad Pitt.
Then honestly ask yourself if her excuse make any sense.
Would she tell Brad Pitt she’s too sick to go on a date? No, she would show up in an ambulance with an IV sticking out of her arm.
Would she tell Brad Pitt she’s “too stressed” to meet up? No, she would bring her therapist and a support animal along if she had to.
Would she tell Brad Pitt she doesn’t give out her number and prefers communicating over email? No, she would give him her phone number, home address and the passwords to all of her online accounts.
When Brad Pitt calls her up and asks her for a date would she ever say she’s “busy”? No, she would say any time works for me – I’m free all week. Oh, except for my heart surgery on Thursday, but I can reschedule that.
Now you’re probably thinking… I’m not Brad Pitt.
But when you get her interest level in you into the 90’s she may as well think you are.
Because that’s how “into you” she will be.
I bring this up because some of you guys have never seen what really HIGH interest level looks like. You’re so used to getting the “run around” and mixed signals that you thinks that’s what normal.
But it isn’t!
There’s a whole other world out there where women give you their number, text back right away and show up on time for the date without needing to cancel or reschedule.
And it all starts when you go from chasing her, to letting her to chase you.
So if she’s not treating you like you’re Brad Pitt, we still have work to do.
Don’t Rationalize HER Low Interest
Do you ever find yourself saying things like –
I think she’s just really shy.
She broke our date because she just got out of a relationship and she’s scared of being hurt.
I know she’s really busy and been stressed about exams.
Her Uncle is sick.
These are all example or rationalizing her LOW interest in you.
The danger here is that you don’t think there is any problem and so you don’t change your approach to dealing with her.
Never make excuses for her LOW interest.
Remember, if Brad Pitt was interested in her –
All of a sudden she’d be the life of the party, she wouldn’t be scared of being hurt and she would skip all of her final exams, just for a chance to grab coffee with him.
You Can’t Go Back: “Ego vs Interest”
But let me be real here. A lot of the guys I coach still want to try and get these girls back.
They get encouraged when they disappear for a few weeks and she texts him. Or they ignore her for a long time and then she claims she wants to get together and catch up.
However as soon as you text her back, she suddenly seems to go cold again. Or even though she accepts the date, when the time to get together comes, she cancels.
What’s going on here?
The problem is all of the tactics you used (ie. being gone, texting less) hurt her EGO but didn’t actually raise interest in you. In other words, it’s more about HER (how dare this guy not still be obsessed with me) versus YOU (I really like this guy)
Quick Example:
I had this girl who liked me all through High School. Every week girls would come up to me and say “Dawn really likes you”. Now, I never wanted to date Dawn, she wasn’t my type – However I still liked the ego boost.
So one day, after 3 years, I found out that Dawn no longer liked me. And I’ll admit, I felt a little bummed. But I still didn’t want to date Dawn, it just hurt my ego a bit. So I did temporarily give her a bit more of my attention after that. But I never liked her any more than usual. The news of her no longer liking me effected my EGO, but not my interest.
The 40-49 “Yo-Yo” Stage
Up and down. Round and round.
So on your best day you get all the way back up to 49. This is where she will text you or HINT at a possible get together. But the moment you “bite” and say – yeah, let’s go on a date – her interest drops back down to 40 and she cancels.
At 49 her ego is activated and she’s curious. And once you satisfy that craving, it drops to 40 again.
If you’re unaware of what’s going on you can yo-yo back and forth like this for years. 40-49. 40-49. 49-49. But again, you will never rise above 50.
And if you’re wondering why she doesn’t just drop you altogether. Well, again it’s an EGO thing. Why would she totally get rid of someone who really likes her? Who puts her on a pedestal. Who if it came down to it would fulfill her agenda.
She likes you just enough to message you or hint at possibly getting together (40) but never quite enough to actually fall in love with you (49)
You’re also a great backup plan (even if she never seriously plans on using it.) You become her safety-net in a world, filled with guys who are negative challenges. She knows you will wait 10 years for her if need be. It’s comforting.
The 40-49 “Miracle Plan”
But hey, if you’ve got time and sanity to spare, you can try beating the odds.
And hey, maybe I’m wrong and yours is a miracle case.
If so, when her interest is 40-49, you need to implement the miracle plan.
Which in short means – everything from here on out has to be HER IDEA
If you stopped texting, she has to contact you first. And if you do start communicating again, she has to ask you out. (Or at least hint at it) You can’t ask her out, because you would go back to 40.
And if she does start going on dates with you again, she has to bring up wanting to be your girlfriend again. It can’t be your idea. (It’s not a bad idea to let her initiate things physically again too)
Oh by the way, if you want to get married, she will have to ask YOU.
Basically, to get back above 50 you will have to let her initiate everything for the rest of your life.
Sounds fun!