Trying to understand what women want can be confusing.
Some people will say, women want a nice guy.
No. No. Women want a “bad boy”. No, you’re wrong – it’s all about being physically attractive. No, she wants a challenge. Just tell her your feelings.
So who is right? Nobody. The truth is women want all of it.
There are 3 main qualities a woman needs.
One, she needs to be physically attracted to a guy. Two, she carves a challenge, And third, she needs romance/validation.
The problem is, she usually can’t find all 3 of these qualities in the same guy. So she’s usually dating or “hanging out” with up to 3 guys in order to fulfill her needs.
For example –
She’s very physically attracted to Matt and they’re going on dates, but he gives her ZERO challenge. So at 2am she heads over to Spike’s house to get some (negative) challenge. And then on Sunday, she goes to a movie with Victor. Victor is deep in the friend zone, but he gives her a daily does of compliments and validation.
You Are “Out Of Order”
Now, some guys may even possess all 3 of these qualities. Maybe you do as well.
However, your problem is that you are displaying them to her in the WRONG order.
The 3 Steps
- Step 1: She Finds You Attractive
- Step 2; You give Her a Challenge (Chase)
- Step 3: You give Her Compliments and Validation (Romance)
For example –
You say, I’m not starting a conversation with that girl. Women should approach me, You are out of order because you are trying to be a challenge (#2) before you have displayed attractiveness to her (#1) .
She finds you attractive (step #1) but then you start confessing all your feelings (step #3) before giving her any challenge (step #2) You are out of order because she doesn’t yet appreciate your validation because she’s not in love with you yet. (Hint: being a challenge – step 2 would have done that)
Or how about the super nice guy who goes straight to complimenting her (step #3) before he has even been attractive or a challenge. These are the guys that end up as her friend or therapist.
There is a “Specific” Order To This
First, she has to find you attractive. Meaning you have to be her type. She also has to enjoy your initial conversation and think – I’d give this guy a shot.
But then next, you have to give her a challenge. A positive one. Just because she’s attracted to you physically, doesn’t mean you can skip letting her chase you and go straight into confessing your love. (#3).
There’s a specific order to this.
Finally, after you given her the challenge of trying to catch you and she’s head over heels (ie. asking you if you want to be her boyfriend) – NOW you can start being romantic and revealing some feelings for her. Because unlike at the beginning, she actually values your validation, because she’s in love with you.
Bravo! You have become that super rare guy who gives her everything she needs (the 3 qualities) in just one man.
The BIG Relationship Mistake
Here’s one final mistake men make.
She finds you attractive. You give her a positive challenge. But then you give her ZERO romance. No compliments. Not even one small gift or funny card. Big mistake.
Maybe they’re paranoid about not being enough of challenge or they’re one of these “fake tough guys” that are afraid to be vulnerable,
Either way, this becomes a problem, because she doesn’t see your lack of romance as you being a challenge/attractive – she sees it as you are scared.
A lot of guys look at us dating coached and think – these guys probably never say or do anything nice for their women. So, I’ll just copy them. That’s not true at all.
Now, you don’t have to go overboard and lay rose pedals at her feet, but part of maintaining your relationship is doing (and saying) something thoughtful from time to time. You have to keep dating her.
If not, she will look for that “romance and validation” outside the relationship (a “friend” from work perhaps?) Or she will just constantly start arguments with you. You’ll think the fight was over you not doing the dishes, but it’s really due to your lack of romance. And if this happens it could lead you to losing your cool, which will lower her interest even more. And then before you know it, you are HISTORY.
Remember guys, you need to be all 3 of these qualities, but more importantly, you need to display them to her in the correct order.