Dating is the “in-person” part of making her fall in love with you. It’s your time to shine and put on a show.
The secret to dates is to make her feel like something special is happening. That she has to put in effort to see you.
#1: Always Call (Not Text) For The Date
Can you call me back later? I’m about to eat. — “Don’t worry, this won’t take long”
“I can’t do this story justice over text, when’s a good time to call?”
Yeah, I get it.
Every other guy asks her out over text. It’s less scary. But you also don’t get any BOLD points when you do that.
Now, before you say “Chris women never answers their phone” – they do when the guy they really like calls. In fact, when she likes you, she will do a back-flip over the couch to make sure she doesn’t miss your call.
Another problem with texting is that she can simply ignore your date offer. She will respond to something else you wrote, but COMPLETELY ignore the part about wanting to go on a date. Or even worse, she stops responding once you ask her out. And then resurfaces weeks later.
Notice how she skipped over the part where you asked her out. I wish I could tell you this is rare — but it happens all the time to my students who still “text girls for dates”
Now you don’t know if she saw the message and now you have to ask her out again and look like a fool.
Bonus: You’ll also learn way more about her TRUE interest when you call her up and hear the sound of her voice. Is the tone of her voice excited or flat? You can’t tell that over text.
#2: You Don’t “Hangout” …. You Go On Dates
Just because a woman is spending time with you, doesn’t mean she considers it a date.
My least two favorite words: hanging out and hooking up
You “hangout” with your friends, you “date” girls.
Somewhere along the line, going on dates got seen as wimpy. Probably because nice guys spent a lot of money and showed up with a dozen roses, But going on dates isn’t wimpy IF you are a also challenge. In fact, dates are seen as a higher time slot in her mind. Dates are something she has to put time and effort into.
If it sounds like a date and it looks like a date, then it is a date. Better yet, use the word DATE. Say, I want take you on a date. Or I want you to be my date for Thursday. This makes it 100% clear what your intentions are (sure, she already knows, but this way she can’t pretend she didn’t know what she was getting herself into)
However, if you ask her to “hang out” or you have no plan, then it’s NOT a date. And therefore it’s nothing special. You want her to feel like something “different” and “exciting” is happening.
Think quality of time together (a date) over quantity (texting all day)
You also want her to put effort into it and spend time wondering what to wear and getting dressed up. The more effort she puts in, the more she assumes she must like you.
Now, that doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of money or wear a tuxedo. But asking her to swing by your apartment to “hang out”, watch Netflix and order takeout isn’t going to cut it.
You need to get out of the house and go do something fun together. Have an “experience” that creates a lasting “memory” of you. She’s hasn’t asked to be your girlfriend yet, so you haven’t earned the right to just stay inside and “hang out”. Also for best results do some “recon” beforehand and scout good places to take her.
The best compliment she can ever give you after a date is – that was FUN!
One last thing – You never want to get sucked into having a “virtual date” and talking on the phone all night. If you do, then THAT was your date, Yep, all that texting was your date and now you will not be seeing her in real life. Hope it was fun!
#3 No Group Dates (One on One Only)
A lot of my clients make this mistake.
They go out as a group of friends or they take her to a big party. This is just asking for trouble.
You never know which one of your buddies secretly likes the girl you are dating. You never know which one of her friends is jealous and will try to sabotage the relationship.
I dated a girl who’s best friend was very, very close with my girls ex-boyfriend. Guess who always reported back to him and tried to secretly screw things up for us? Yep. Although it seemed innocent enough, it wasn’t a good idea for us to all hangout together.
Plus, you want her attention focused on you not all of these other distractions. All of a sudden you’re at a party being introduced to her her ex-boyfriend Bruno. And now they are fighting while you stand in the corner sipping your drink like a doofus. Too much can go wrong.
By the way, don’t meet her family or introduce her to your family for at least 6 months. It’s way too soon for that.
#4 Pick Her Up and Drop Her Off
Picking her up makes it feel like it’s a REAL date and it’s also special and “different”,
If she won’t let you pick her up starting on the 2nd date something is off. This is also the gentleman thing to do. Plus it gives you a good opportunity to kiss her at her doorstep when you drop her off.
Yes, this is a bit old school but you will stand out in a good way. Always offer. If you don’t have a car you can get an Uber and pick her up (it’s like having your own personal driver)
#5 Don’t Confirm The Date
Good News!
You have a date lined up for Thursday night at 8pm. But now it’s Wednesday and you haven’t heard anything from her (because we don’t text between dates) So you start to get nervous. Is this date still on? Is she really going to show up?
This is when you get the urge to want to text her and CONFIRM the plans.
Hey, we are still on for Thursday right?
You imagine yourself showing up and sitting there all by yourself like a fool. The waitress laughing behind your back.
However, a confident guy doesn’t need to confirm a date. A confident guy just assumes the date is definitely ON and that she is excited to show up. So he never has to send that confirmation text.
And there’s another BONUS to holding off on sending her that text. A lot of times she will end up texting you FIRST to confirm. In other words, she starts to get worried if YOU are actually going to show up.
This is the much better position to be in. You get her wondering about you. You get her hoping that you show up. It changes the whole dynamic.
If you need to confirm the date she’s going to feel like the prize. Feeling nervous that she might not come also makes it more likely that she will cancel on you. (as if she can sense your neediness over the phone)
Remember, a #1 feeling guy would never text a girl to see if she’s actually coming. He would just assume that she is.
Extra Coaching: Having Class is The New “Cool”
Being a little edgy used to be “cool”
But now pretty much everyone has tattoos and there are cannabis shops on every corner.
There are curse words in every song. And the violent shows on HBO are getting crazier and crazier. What’s considered “cool” today has turned into a parody.
That’s why I recommend going in the compete opposite direction. You’ll never “out cool” what’s considered popular today.
So instead be the only guy that still has CLASS.
Be the only guy who doesn’t curse. Be the last guy who is a gentleman. Be the only guy that doesn’t binge-watch Breaking Bad and reads a good book instead. Be the only guy who doesn’t end things with a girl over text and actually has the decency to make a 2 minute phone call.
Having class and manners is the new COOL.
More Dating Coaching
Try and pick FUN places versus EXPENSIVE places.
I also wouldn’t have more than one or two drinks on a date. That goes for both of you. You really can’t get a good read on her TRUE interest if she’s drinking. Plus you will make way more mistakes.
And you shouldn’t be “PARTYING” with the girl of your dreams anyway. Again, keep those worlds separate. You want to date her, not “party” with her.
Final thoughts –
Put your phone away on the date and don’t look at or mention other women while you are with her.