“changing her attitude is very hard,…..it requires a brain transplant“
I don’t judge how good a guy is with women by if he’s dated knockouts. The top guys to me have actually dropped knockouts for not measuring up in the “attitude” department.
That’s a REAL tough guy!
Newsflash: You can’t change her and she’s definitely NOT going to change for you.
It stinks when one of my clients finds a girl he really likes (and she likes him) – but we have to drop her because of her bad ATTITUDE.
But it must be done.
What I won’t tolerate is a woman who doesn’t like you and ALSO has a bad attitude. That’s when I tell a client it’s time to move on. I can’t help you with that.
If she’s a sweetheart and it’s just that her interest is LOW, I will work with you. But if you start telling me how she says she’s never wrong or holds grudges and yells and screams – then it’s time to RUN the other way.
Repeat this line over and over:
You deserve better and you can do better.
Remember, this program is not just about getting any girl. It’s about landing your dream girl.
Being “good” with women can actually be a curse if you pick one with a bad attitude. A lot of guys I know are really good at getting girls, but they always end up staying with the wrong ones.
There are worse things than being alone.
Like going to pickup your kids and having your ex refuse to give them to you, so you have to call the police. And now all the neighbors are watching and it’s a huge dramatic scene. But good news, you’ll only have to deal with her for the next 30 years!
Maybe you should have paid attention to all those red flags that you saw on your first date.
What’s Most Important: Her Attitude is #1
Sure it’s a beautiful car, but you wouldn’t buy it before looking under the hood.
Here are the official rankings of what’s most important:
- Her Attitude
- Her Interest In You
- Your Interest In Her
- Her Looks
#1 – Even if her interest in you is 100%, and you’re madly in love with her (plus she looks like a model) – if she has a BAD attitude, the relationship is doomed. That’s why her attitude is ranked first on the list. It’s that important.
#2 & 3 – Second point – her interest in you is more important than your interest in her. Because even if she’s only “kind of” into you, and you’re head over heels for her, the relationship will NEVER work.
#4 – Lastly, her looks are ranked fourth. Because if she’s not society’s version of a “perfect ten” or she’s just plain “cute” – it doesn’t matter. She likes you, you like her and she’s got an A+ attitude. As long as you are attracted to her, who cares what other people think.
Get Good At Dropping Them First
Most men have little to no experience breaking up with a woman. We fear that we are going to hurt her – and oh boy, we’re really afraid of the tears.
But you have to get used to getting rid of the women who don’t measure up. I know you may feel bad, but believe me, the moment she realizes you are not the one or finds someone better, she will drop you in a heartbeat. And she won’t feel guilty at all.
What You Can Learn
I love it when a student says – Chris, we’ve never even had one fight. Because maybe that’s not the best thing.
In fact, you really don’t know anything about her ATTITUDE until you’ve had your first disagreement.
How does she react? Does she fight fair? Does she have to win and be right at all costs?
Does she throw a lamp (or worse) at your head?
And if she ends up being in the wrong, does she pout and hold a grudge anyway? Or does she work with you to come up with a solution that works for both of you?
All very important questions that will help you figure out if she’s high maintenance and hard headed. And you don’t want to just be finding this out the day you move in with her or (gulp) marry her.
Bottom line – if you can’t even have a small disagreement with her without a BIG DRAMA, being in a relationship with her is not going to be a lot of fun.
The “I Don’t Like This” Test
Here’s another important question.
How does your girlfriend react when you tell her that you don’t like something that she does?
For example, let’s say she chats with her ex-boyfriend on social media and it bothers you. It just doesn’t feel right.
So you don’t get upset or angry. But CALMLY let her know that you’d rather she not talk with him because it’s lowering your interest and it’s a turn off for you.
Meaning, you actually show some stones and calmly stand up for yourself without over-reacting.
By the way, if they are still chatting and he broke up with her, you have a BIG problem on your hands. (she wants him back because he poses a negative challenge)
And if she broke up with him and they still talk you’ve got a different problem. It means she still enjoys getting attention from a guy that SHE dumped.
Now, she could respond in one of three ways to your request:
I call this the “I Don’t Like This” Test
#1: She could think –
I really like this guy and he told me it upsets him – so I’m not going to do it anymore. I care more about my current boyfriend than my ex boyfriend. And I want him to be happy. Bonus points if she does it with a SMILE.
#2: She could listen to what you have to say and keep doing it anyway. She’ll say “what’s the big deal” or “relax, we’re just chatting”. Wrong answer. In other words she going to do what she wants to do and she doesn’t care one bit that it bothers you.
#3: She says fine I won’t talk to him anymore, but she makes you PAY for doing it. She pouts. She brings it up all the time. She uses it against you. In other words, she uses it to rebel against you and make you the bad guy. She’s resentful.
I thinks scenarios number two and three are equally bad. So, obviously you want scenario number one.
A woman who likes you and wants you to be happy will make an effort to stop doing (reasonable) things if they bother you. Especially if you bring it up in a calm way.
Baggage: Paying For Her Past
She says I have a rule.
I won’t date any guy unless we are “friends first “. It’s all because of what happened in the past with some other guy I dated. (read: negative challenge)
Now, who knows why that is, and it it’s everyone’s right to do what they want. But these are guys that she CHOOSE (not you) So why should you have to pay for these other guys bad behavior.
You should have a clean slate.
Sometimes you are not just taking on another person – you are taking on their children, debt, emotional and health problems as well.
Sometimes these issues are not even a symptom of them being a bad person. They are just the realities of life.
The reason why it’s so important to get this handled right now is the stakes will get higher and higher as you get older.
Each failed romantic relationship leaves more than just hurt feelings in its wake. It can also lead to emotional and financial ruin.
Men and women are never going to give up on falling in love.
Unfortunately, the older you get the more potential baggage comes with that feeling.
Have Non-Looks Standards (Screening Her)
When you date her – you should always be SCREENING her to find out if she meets your standards.
Not your “LOOKS” standards. You can tell she meets those just by, well… looking at her.
But does she meet your STANDARDS as a person you would want to spend time with? Does she have a FUN personality? Is she a good person?
The first step to screening women is to have “non looks” standards. If you don’t know what yours are, think about it and start making a list. (even just 3 things is perfectly fine) Just the fact that you have “non-looks” standards instantly makes you a more attractive man.
You should go in with the mindset of “I know she looks beautiful”. But I wonder if she meets my non-looks standards (?) Be CURIOUS to find out. Ask her questions and just sit back and listen to her talk.
Now, you don’t make this OBVIOUS… And you never ask her “direct questions” Such as… “so, are you a loyal person?” It’s more about LISTENING and reading between the lines.
Just by thinking “I am screening her” makes it more likely she will start working to win you over.
And your body language and facial expression will just naturally communicate “Hmm…I’m not sure about you yet”
She will feel like she has to impress you but won’t be sure why.
Always have standards.
Non-looks standards.
Look For Laughter
One of the biggest signs I look for is – does she LAUGH?
That’s why humor is such a big part of this program. Humor is a test to see if she is going to be playful or try to control you. A woman who doesn’t laugh and play along during the dating phase is only going to get more SERIOUS in a relationship. Yikes. Have fun with that.
Also, if she gets very angry that she has to chase you, it’s usually a bad sign. This is a girl that doesn’t want to play along. She’s got to be in control or she doesn’t want you. Hey, better to find this all out now before you marry her.
The Right Woman (Dream Girl)
There will be 10% of her attitude that you may not like, but you can deal with. And then there will be the deal-breakers. You will calmly brings these up and she should want to work with you, Everything else you just observe her behavior and quietly rule her out.
So to me the RIGHT woman –
Lloves to laugh, offers to help chip in every once a while (hopefully by the 4th date) and gets over a disagreement very quickly. She goes with the flow instead of wanting to “battle”
Obviously the right woman is also honest and wouldn’t cheat on you. Those are obviously deal breakers.