Coaching: A lot of my students have good “in person” game. Meaning, they do pretty well on the dates and can make her laugh. However…
You Also Need Good “Away Game”
But how many of you guys have great “away game”?
(matter of fact, before reading this book, how many of you guys even knew you needed to have away game?)
Away Game is how you handle things when you are NOT with her. Do you text her too much? Are you always checking up on her social media? Do you get needy when you don’t hear from her? (which leads you to confessing your feelings or asking to see her again too soon)
The good news is that having tight “away game” is pretty easy. As in, you really don’t have to do much of anything (just disappear). However, just because it’s easy in theory, doesn’t mean that it isn’t difficult.
It takes a lot of self-control and patience to have good “away game”. You need to delay gratification. You have to TRUST in the power of challenge. You have to truly believe that you gain more points while you’re away from her, than if you were with her. Why? Because while you’re gone, she will be thinking about you.
I pride myself on my “away game”. I’m an old school challenge who will wait 20 years if I have to. I like to think nobody has more patience and self-control than me. I will gladly suffer now, if there’s a chance of a big payoff later.
There are guys who are tough as nails, can bench 300 pounds and wrestle bears. But when it comes to going slow with women – they are weak. They are wimps. I want you to be TOUGHEST guy in the world when it comes to having patience when dating women.
Thinking = Love
If you want to make a woman fall in love with you – you have to get her thinking about you.
We all think about dozens of different things each day (sports, bills, work, our favorite show) but we usually only have one main OBSESSION.
That one topic that just seems to play non-stop in our heads.
Now this could be a good thing or a bad thing.
If you’ve ever been depressed, then you know how hard it can be to replay those same negative thought loops over and over.
But what about when it’s a GOOD obsession.
When you’re thinking about the one girl you really like.
It gives you a lot of JOY right?
You think about her in the car, while you’re waiting on line for the ATM, and before you got to sleep.
Thinking about her helps pass the time and makes normally boring moments seem fun.
The Greatest Gift (Thinking)
In other words –
Her greatest gift to you is that she’s given you something enjoyable to think about. You may not be dating her yet, but you’re really enjoying all of that “thinking” about her.
Well. the same thing holds true for women – if not more so.
She wants to be THINKING about something fun too.
Again, the greatest gift you can give someone is something enjoyable to THINK about.
But most guys want to take all her “enjoyable thinking time” away.
For example –
When you confess your feelings and spill your guts after just 3 dates, its not just that you’re being NEEDY, it’s that you took all of her WONDERING time away. Now she has nothing fun to think about.
It’s 2am and instead of laying in bed thinking… “I wonder how much he likes me” she’s thinking about how much work she needs to get done at the office tomorrow.
When she knows she already has you wrapped around her finger, she’d rather think about “TPS Reports” than think about you.
And she hates thinking about TPS Reports.
Look –
Part of a relationship is when you are with the person, but there’s also the part when you are gone. Where she gets to THINK about you and look forward to BEING together.
You never want to take that part away.
That’s why you don’t reveal your whole life story after one date (no mystery) or confess your love after just a few weeks (nothing to wonder about)
A lot of guys I coach worry that not instantly letting a woman know how much they like her is somehow mean.
That’s not mean. What’s mean is taking away all of a woman’s wondering time.
What’s mean is making her think of exams and car payments instead of YOU
Remember, we think all day long, so the greatest gift you can give HER is something enjoyable to think about.
You!
Men Worry, But Women Wonder
When you’re not sure if she likes you – you get WORRIED.
When she doesn’t text back or goes a few days without contacting you – you worry.
When you’re not sure if she’s dating someone else…you worry.
You sit around feeling confused and depressed.
However, women are different. Women don’t worry, they *WONDER*
When she’s not sure how much you like her, she WONDERS. When you go a few days without contacting her, she WONDERS. She wonders what you’re doing, who you’re with, and if you’re thinking about her (plus a million other things)
And guess what…she really enjoys doing it!
I coach so many guys who feel like if they “go slow” or they don’t respond right away – that they will somehow hurt her. Or if they disappear for a few days that she will forget all about them.
Nonsense…
She loves to WONDER what you’re up to. (That’s the whole point)
Here’s a quote from a very attractive model: (print this out and keep it by your bed)
“I can figure out guys in 5 minutes. They’re like clockwork. I want someone who will make me WONDER. Or at least put up a fight. Come on guys, make me work for it!”
Look, unlike men, women ENJOY constantly evaluating where she stands with you. They can spend all day trying to figure it out. And while that may sound like TORTURE to you, It’s really fun for her!
And that’s why when you reveal too much and confess your feelings – you take away all of her enjoyment.
You NEVER give her a chance to wonder about you.
Thinking = Interest
KEY COACHING POINT: Girls equate how much they LIKE you by how much they THINK about you when you’re not around. It’s the same reason that you know you’re in LOVE with her. Because you think about her all the time.
You can tell how much a woman likes you by measuring how much she THINKS about you. In other words, how much space do you occupy in her mind.
But she won’t be thinking about you much if she already knows exactly how you feel about her. So always leave a little room for MYSTERY
Remember, she has more fun sitting around WONDERING how much you like her, than actually KNOWING how much you like her. (weird I know)
The face to face meetings are fun, but they don’t compare to the FEELING of being away from you and ANTICIPATING what you’re going to do next.
Don’t ruin all of her excitement!
How To Raise Your Score (2 Ways)
There are two ways you can raise your score and make a girl fall in love with you.
There’s the first way, when you’re in her face making her laugh and putting on a good show, That gets you halfway to her heart. (50%)
But the second way to score points, is when you’re not with her and she’s wondering about you. Both ways are important – but being away from her may be even more so. That’s because women fall in love while they’re thinking about you, not when you’re with them. go figure.
The point is, you will never be able to make a girl fall in love – just by what you say or do in her presence alone. So it’s absolutely crucial that you give her periods of “uninterrupted” wondering time between dates. Meaning you need to have good “away game”.
Bottom line: no wondering time, no girlfriend.
Don’t Stop The Wondering Process
Wondering time is like making good wine
(Hey, that rhymes)
It’s similar to the fermentation process in that if you interrupt it, even slightly, you ruin it. So even making one social media post that let’s her know what you’ve been doing, ends her wondering.
And don’t fall into the trap of only being 50% gone. This is when you aren’t with her in person, but you’re still communicating with her. You can only score points when you’re in her face making her laugh and while you are 100% gone.
Women Are Like The Gym
When you first start working out, you’re very excited to see progress. So you hit the gym everyday. You do as many reps as you can, using the heaviest amount of weight. You can’t wait to see those GAINS!
And although at first you see signs of progress, eventually something strange happens. You begin to plateau. Or worse, you start to feel like you’re getting weaker. The problem? You forgot the most important ingredient for growth…
REST.
In order to grow, the best thing you can do for your body is be AWAY from the gym. Take a few days OFF.
Well, making a woman fall in love with you is EXACTLY like working out. I know you want to go talk to her. And you want to text with her. And you want to go to the same event that she’s going to, hoping you’ll run into her. You think that the more times you get to interact with her, the more she will be attracted to you.
But the opposite is true.
Instead of being in her face all the time, it’s much better to disappear. Give her time away so that her feelings for you can GROW.
Because just like your body gets stronger on the days you’re not lifting weights, her feelings for you INCREASE on the days when you’re not there. While you are GONE
And she’s thinking about you.
If you’re lifting weights, the body can’t be REPAIRING itself. And if you’re always with her, she can’t be WONDERING about you. It’s IMPOSSIBLE.
The Anticipation Of Seeing You, Is Better Than Seeing You
Lesson: The ANTICIPATION of what might happen is often more exciting than what ACTUALLY happens.
For example, the anticipation you feel right before you check your email is always more exciting than the actual email.
And when you pull the slot machine handle, the anticipation of what might happen is more exciting than what actually happens.
Yep, I’m telling you that the “actual date” isn’t as important as what she THINKS about after the date is over (when you’re no longer around)
You don’t just have to ACE the date, you also have to make that time spent away from you EXCITING for her.
And you do that by giving her things to WONDER about.
So, what is she wondering about anyway?
I wonder where he is. I wonder what he’s doing. I wonder when he’s going to text. I wonder if he’s going to ask me out again. I wonder if this means he’s dating other girls.I wonder if she’s prettier than I am?
You know you’re doing this right when she elicits help from her best friend or sister to try and “figure you out”
Are You Asking Me Out?
Here’s another thing guys overlook.
If she’s really that frustrated and truly can’t take it anymore – she can always ask you out. Or at least HINT at wanting to see you.
And when she HINTS at wanting to see you – you are going to flash a devilish grin and say…
“…Are you asking me on a date?“
Just that line alone keeps up the feeling that SHE is chasing YOU.
Won’t She Forget About Me?
The biggest fear you’ll have is:
I worry if I disappear and let her wonder, she will FORGET about me. But she can’t forget about you. In fact, it’s just the opposite.
If she doesn’t know what you’re doing for a few days, she only thinks about you MORE. When she can’t figure you out, she can’t stop wondering.
In contrast, if she hears from you all the time and always knows what you’re doing, she will STOP thinking about you.
- When you send too many texts you interrupt her “missing you time”
- When you hangout with her too much you take away her “wondering about you time”
- When you reveal ever last detail of your entire life you ruin her “it’s fun to figure him out time”
- When you confess your feelings you take away her “where do I stand with him time”
This is similar to why people quickly scroll though their social media feeds. They don’t do it so they can think about the people who they follow MORE, They want to quickly catch up on anything they missed, so they can STOP thinking about them.
What “No Contact” Can Teach You
This really makes me laugh –
The “no-contact” technique is very popular on YouTube and guys claim to be having some success with it.
But what’s funny is, none of these guys says to himself – if not contacting her works so well after she broke up with me, why didn’t I use this strategy while we were dating?
Why did I think it was smart to text with her everyday? Why did I comment on all of her “stories” on social media?
In other words, if minimal contact works so well after she has gotten rid of you, just imagine what it could have done when she was really into you.
My point is this – Why wait until she dumps you to realize that limiting your text messages makes her want to see you more. Instead of messaging her between dates, you should have always used the strategy of “minimal contact”.