She doesn’t fall in love with you, she falls in frustration with you.
“99% of men create ZERO emotion inside of her. So if she’s frustrated with you – you’re doing something right”
The final challenge you will have to face is your FEAR of frustrating her.
Being scared of making her upset. Being afraid to tell her NO. Being afraid to go against what she wants you to do.
Most guys think if they never make her angry, they will get to LOVE faster. LOL. Yeah, right. The truth is, if she’s frustrated, it means you’re doing this right.
Why She’s Frustrated
So what’s the source of her frustration?
- She wants to know how you FEEL about her (constantly)
- She wants to know where this relationship is going
- She wants to see you more often
- She feels that you don’t “text” enough
- She can’t tame your humor or effect your mood
- You’re don’t get all “serious” when she gets “mushy” or “dramatic”
- You can calmly stand up to her and say NO when appropriate
- You “politely” slow her down when she’s going fast
- You don’t buy into anything that doesn’t have to do with going on a date or raises her interest level
Notice how all of these things like being funny, giving her space and politely slowing her down are POSITIVE. There are no negative challenges on this list.
We aren’t hitting on her best friend or stealing her wallet. So although, she is mad at you, don’t feel guilty. You haven’t done anything wrong.
She Must Be Frustrated To Love You
Let me be 100% clear –
You are never going to get her to fall in LOVE without FRUSTRATING her
So you might as well get comfortable with this idea now, because it’s going to happen.
Write this down:
The journey to making her your girlfriend NEVER goes straight from “mild interest” to LOVE. You always have to make a quick stop over at FRUSTRATION. In fact, frustration is one of the last things she feels before it finally turns into LOVE.
In other words, the highest you can get her without ever making her mad is 90%. To get her to fall in love with you (100%) you must frustrate her.
I’ve had women describe the process of falling in love like this:
I feel like I love him and hate him at the same time.
You want her thinking: ugh, it frustrates me that he doesn’t message me all the time. And it frustrates me that he doesn’t put me on a pedestal like all the other guys I dropped.
Translation: It makes me MAD that I’m falling in love with someone who doesn’t do everything I want. But secretly, I love it.
Keep in mind, if she’s frustrated that means what you’ve been doing is working. It’s INDIFFERENCE you should worry about (no emotional reaction)
Remember, the other part of challenge (besides not being available all the time) is showing her that you can’t be tamed. And trying to tame a tiger that can’t be controlled, will always lead to frustration.
Frustrate Her In a FUN Way
Here’s the #1 secret: you always want to frustrate her in a FUN way
Frustrate her in a POSITIVE Way.
Let’s say you and a negative challenge bad-boy are both competing for the same girl (which lets be honest, you are)
You’re both “CHALLENGES”. You both let her CHASE you. You both don’t text her all the time or give her all the power
But there’s one CRUCIAL difference. When she gets frustrated that she’s not getting enough attention….
He REACTS –
But you don’t.
When she says – I texted you last night, why didn’t you text me back? He flies off the handle or gets “defensive”
And then they get into an argument. And there’s DRAMA.
Positive Frustration
But instead, you respond by saying something funny. You diffuse her attempts to TAME you with humor.
In other words, you frustrate her in a FUN way (humor)
While he frustrates her in a NEGATIVE way (arguing)
Now you may be thinking, Chris, what difference does it make?
Some of you guys might even think that the bad-boy is better because he’s giving her DRAMA.
Well, it makes a HUGE difference, because by not reacting to her FRUSTRATION, it shows that she can’t CONTROL you.
The Bad-Boys’ One Weakness
The negative challenge may think he’s being “alpha” by putting his foot down. But in reality, she sees weakness. She senses a crack in his armor.
- She knows she can control him.
- She can get a RISE out of him.
- She can get him to REACT.
KEY INSIGHT: She may not be able to get him to do what she WANTS (ie. text her everyday but she can always get him to REACT. Which in her mind, is just as good.
So despite him “technically” being a “challenge”, she still holds the POWER
In fact, even when a man is verbally abusive or prone to outbursts, there’s still a side of HER that secretly likes that she has such CONTROL over him.
But you are different.
No matter what she says or does, she can never get you to LOSE your cool.
She can’t get you do to what she wants (FRUSTRATING)… but she also can’t get you to REACT to her (ATTRACTIVE)
The achilles’ heel of the negative challenge bad-boy is that he reacts to her. And this weakness is your ONE opening to beat him. If you can keep your cool, her interest in YOU, will be much higher than her interest in HIM.
I’d Rather Have Her Frustrated With You vs. Him
Plus, the best way to get her to stop thinking about that negative challenge guy from her past, is to give her something “positive” to be frustrated about.
I’d rater have her frustrated with you (for a positive reason) than be frustrated with him (read: still emotionally invested in him.)
But if there’s ZERO frustration, and nothing to work for, she will drift back to thinking about the (negative) challenge he proposed.
Dare Her To Walk Away – Call Her Bluff
Speaking of which –
What happens if she gets so frustrated with you that she gives you an ultimatum – tell me how you feel and where this relationship is going or it’s over.
Or she just stops texting you. (Basically her version of, it’s my way or the highway)
Well, this is where you dare her to walk away from you,
Dare her to walk away from a “good guy” that really likes her. A guy who treats her well, is a gentleman, and gives her a positive challenge.
Call her bluff!
She may say she can, but she won’t be able to prove that she can.
Dare Her To Walk Away – Example
Here’s an example of daring her to walk away.
One of my coaching clients was doing well by following this strategy, when the girl he liked invited him over to her apartment.
Now, most guys would jump on her offer right away, but this was also an opportunity to playfully slow her down and remind her that she is chasing us.
So he texted back “If you play your cards right, I just might stop by later”
Her response: I don’t like to play games. You either want it or you don’t.
Now here’s where we separate the men from the boys. Do you give in? Are you afraid that you must have upset her so you apologize?
Nope. Here is where you double-down and show her that you won’t ever let her tame your humor. That you will always keep things fun and playful versus serious.
So your reply is:
Tell me what you want. What you really, really want. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really, really, really, zig-a-zig ahhh.
If you’re not familiar, those are the lyrics to a famous Spice Girls song. But the point is, if she likes you, she will laugh. And if she’s a control freak that doesn’t want to chase you, she will hate it. (good we just saved ourselves years of pain)
In this case, being playful only increased her attraction and showed her that she couldn’t tame his humor.
Translation: she was just bluffing. She couldn’t walk away from a guy who liked her and was also a challenge
Man’s Biggest Fear – A Woman Who Is “Mad At Him”
Frustrating her, is your biggest fear.
Teaching a guy to be more of a challenge is pretty easy (and FUN) until she starts getting frustrated by it. You and her both really loved all that “challenge” when it was making her happy, but now that she’s a little upset, you start to get nervous.
She felt butterflies when you finally called after 5 days, but now she curses your name when she looks at her phone and you haven’t texted.
You loved how she was chasing you and giving you compliments, but now you toss and turn at night wondering if you’re doing the right thing?
This is where the rubber meets the road my friend…
Can you stick with the game plan (challenge) when the fear creeps in?
Your FEAR: if I don’t do XYZ and if I don’t do it fast enough, she will leave me!
There are the guys who can use “challenge” up to a point, and the guys who can stick with challenge even when she starts to get a bit frustrated by it
Obviously, you always want to check in with yourself and make sure that you aren’t being a challenge for the wrong reasons (ego, fear of feeling vulnerable, getting women back for hurting you in the past)
A great mindset is – I’m being a challenge for HER benefit.
To summarize- you have to be good at being a challenge when she’s loving it and you also have to stay the course when she’s frustrated by it.
Forget What She Says She Likes (Who Does She Stay With?)
I’d say the biggest fear my clients have by far, is a fear of frustrating the girl they like. And the way I get them over that fear is pointing out the “toxic bad boys” she dated off and on, for years!
But she said she hated that guy. And he was a jerk. And he’s lair. And he’s a snake.
I agree, she may not have liked it. But ask yourself this, did she STAY with that guy?
It’s not about what she likes or doesn’t like, it’s all about WHO she stays with. Study the guys she ended up staying with for long periods of time.
Remember, this is the same girl that’s dated a negative challenge off and m for 5 years. Her bad boy “ex” hooked up with her best friend.
And although she claimed she would leave him and posted cryptic quotes about being “strong” on Facebook, she never walked away from him.
So she’s NOT going to walk away from a “good guy” who’s a “gentleman” that really really likes her, just because you didn’t “text her” enough. Or because you politely slowed her down ONCE. Or because you diffused her mushy talk with humor.
Come on, get real!
By the way, a woman can say she’s going to walk away, or threaten to walk away… but can she PROVE she can walk away. Big difference.
Remember guys, in every LOVE campaign where you’re being a positive challenge – there will eventually come a time when she gets frustrated (mad at you) And when that happens you have two choices.
#1 You can give in and do what she wants (out of fear)
#2: Or dare her to walk away from a “good guy” that gives her the positive challenge experience
I’d always go with #2, because she won’t be able to prove she can walk away.