> Start Here: Review The “Not Serious” Messaging Strategy
Categories: boring texts from her, tests (frustration), mushy texts (chasing you)
#1. HANDLING “GOOD NIGHT”
For when you need to end the text exchange first (on a high note) and increase your value
Okay, I’m going to go and get my beauty sleep. You don’t look this good by accident
Lesson: Not only are you ending the conversation first, you are also reversing the who’s the “beauty” prize frame. Normally, women are the beautiful ones, much better looking than you. Here you are implying – I’m the better looking one, in this relationship, but in a humorous way.
#2 For when you want to setup a date and come across CONFIDENT with humor (vs. NEEDY)
I want to see you……And I ALWAYS get what I want (LOL)
#3 When you need to send her a birthday greeting, but you don’t want to gush over her like every other guy on social media
Birthdays were the worst days, now we sip champagne when we thirsty – Biggie Smalls
#4 When she says “I’ve been thinking about you all day”
All day? You’re lucky I don’t charge by the thought
category: mushy (chasing)
#5 THE BAD SINGER
When you call and get her voicemail, you don’t want to leave a boring, logical message. Instead use humor:
Sing: Helloooo….. is it me your looking for?
Sing: Hellooo from the other side
#6. PUT A PRICE ON YOURSELF $
When she mentions how much she’s going to HUG and KISS you when she sees you
You: Just remember, it’s $5 a touch. Would you like to start a tab or pay as you go?
(you may be eligible for a friends and family discount)
category: mushy (chasing)
#7. Her: why didn’t you text me back?
I wanted you to YEARN for me. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve yearned for someone
category: test, frustration
#8. GET HOME SAFE
Her: text me when you get home
Got home safe, A few girls tried to kidnap me, but luckily I was able to break free
category: boring text
#9. COME SAVE ME
For when you want her to come meet you wherever you are at
You: Come save me, these creepy girls are hitting on us!
#10. SHOW CONCERN FOR HER LIKING YOU TOO MUCH (IT”S DANGEROUS)
Her: I’ve been thinking about you
Careful, thinking about me too much can cause extreme excitement (make sure to check with your doctor first)
category: mushy (chasing)
#11 Her: Good morning
You: the best part of waking up, is FOLGERS in your cup
category: boring text
#12 For when she’s not buying into your “I am the prize” frame
You: Nice try, You’re not going to win me over that easy!
Her: I wasn’t trying to win you over
You: hmmm.. that sounds like something someone who was trying to win me over would say
#13: PRETEND SHE STALKING YOU + HUMOR
Her: what are you up to tonight?
You: woooo….Stalker alert!
There was a woman hiding in my bushes last night, was that you?
#14 HOW TO HANDLE THE LETS BE FRIENDS SPEECH
Her: I think I see US more as friends
You: Does that mean I have to cancel the Bon Jovi cover Band I booked for our wedding?
category: test (curve ball)
#15: Her: How serious are you about this relationship?
Her: Where is this relationship going?
You: Babe, I live my life a quarter mile at a time. And you’re coming along for the ride (*from the Fast & The Furious)
category: test
#16: SWEET DREAMS
Her: I’ll be dreaming about you!
If things turn romantic, be gentle with me… I’m shy
category: mushy
#17 CREATE PLAYFUL, IMAGINARY COMPETITION
REFERENCE A SECRET “WIFE”
Her: what did you do this weekend
You: I was out my other wife, boy is she NEEDY
Her: Who are you at the game with?
You: I’m with my 5 wives…. it’s torture….they are all so JEALOUS of each other
Lesson: these imaginary “other women” are always jealous and needy. The competition doesn’t even have to be another woman, it could be a silly made up celebrity crush or even a woman in the background of a photo she sends you.
It’s an under the radar way to get across that you are desirable to other women and that there’s competition for her (as well as just being silly and saving the REAL conversation for the date, which is always the main point)
#18. WHEN YOU WANT TO ASK HER OUT, BUT SHE NEVER ANSWERS HER PHONE
TEXT: I have Great News! Let me know when you have 2 min and 32 seconds to hear it
Her: What’s the good news?
YOU: I’m taking you out Thursday night, Session Lounge, pick you up at 8pm
#19: FEMALE TEST
Why does it seem like I am always the one texting you ?
You: I’m not a big texter. I’m more of an in person type of guy
#20: PRIZE FRAME
Her: I want to see you!
Fairy tales can come true….it can happen to you
category: mushy
#21: You’re not answering your phone. Where are you?
I’m out with 5 Victoria Secret models, but don’t worry, they’re sooooo boring
category: test (frustration)
#22: Her: I want to take things slow
Perfect! My nickname in High School was TURTLE
category: test
#23: FOR WHEN SHE’S BEING NEGATIVE, TURN IT BACK TO POSITIVE + HUMOR
Her: I’m just so sick of work, I’ll never get promoted
You: everything works out. all the time. no exceptions!
And that’s one to grow on (rainbow emoji)
#24: For when she gives you a compliment
I’m the WIZ and nobody BEATS ME
#25: Her: what do you think of this….. dress/apartment/whatever
You: The DUDE abides
category: boring text
#26 Her: You’re acting weird.
You: Good News! You’ll never be bored
Her: You’re confusing me
You: Nobody confuses a woman like you. Nobody puts baby in a corner
Lesson: the worst thing you can be to women is boring and predictable. You want to be silly. However, sometimes, women will test you on your new humorous “attitude”. These are the perfect comebacks.
#27 KEEP UP THE MYSTERY + HUMOR
Her: Are you seeing anyone else?
A gentleman keeps that private. But my tell all book comes out next year. I’ll get you the first copy (I’ll even sign it)
#28: SWEET COMPLIMENT + SOFTEN WITH HUMOR
Confession: I’ve been thinking about you …. (and you can’t stop me)
#29: REFERENCE THIS “OTHER WOMAN” YOU REALLY LIKE, THAT’S OBVIOUSLY HER, BUT NEVER ADMIT TO IT
Did you go and see that show/concert/movie yet?
I’m saving that for a very special lady. And I’ll never tell you who she is, even if you try and torture me
Lessons: this allows you to compliment and say nice things (about her) but you never officially admit that it’s her (although she knows)
#30: GIVE HER CLUES ABOUT HOW TO SEDUCE YOU
Seduction HINT: I can now be bribed with NERDS candy
- bonus points if she shows up with candy for you
#31: She smacks your butt
That will be $1. I hope you brought enough singles to get you through the night
*bonus points if you can actually get her to give you a dollar (then sign it and give it back like she got an autograph from a celebrity)
#32: PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT
Her: Are we going out this week?
If you play your cards right …..
#33: Her: so how did your work meeting go?
You: That story can only be told over a nice glass a wine
- go ahead and setup the next date right now
#34: How is school going? OR How is work going?
Great! 3 more credits and I get my Dr. Evil degree
Awesome! I’ll be making a billlllion dollars (Dr. Evil Voice)
#35. HOW TO HANDLE BORING MESSAGES + BE THE PRIZE
Her: How are you?
I’m Fergalicious… They want a taste of what I got!
Pro Tip: women usually text you BORING stuff. She’s not going to give you much to work with. However, if you answer her message “seriously”, then the being BORING will get blamed on you, not her. Women are never penalized for being BORING, only you are.
#36: TELL THE WORLD HER STORY
Her: Isn’t the man supposed to walk on the outside to protect the woman?
Don’t worry, If you die… I’ll tell the world your story
Translation: you are the prize, so you must live on
#37: She keeps texting you boring stuff but not hinting at a date
You: so….. when are you going to ask me out?
#38: She texts you about problems at her work, or an annoying co-worker
WORK! cover girl. Work it Girl! Do your thing…. out on the runway
category: boring text
#39: She compliments your LOOKS in any way
Maybe he’s born with it…..maybe it’s Maybeline?
category: chasing you
#40: She’s excited about something she did
You’re going to Hollywood Big Dog!
#41: END THINGS FIRST + HUMOR
Okay, I’m gonna “call it” a night …… (my teddy bear “Mr Snuggles” really needs me)
Lesson: women always end thing first. Flip the script by ending phone calls, text exchanges and dates before she does
Bonus Lesson: it’s much more powerful to “call it” then to just ghost her and stop responding
#42: HOW TO END THE CONVERSATION FIRST AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IT WAS FOR HER BENEFIT
Okay, let ME let YOU go
#43: HOW TO HANDLE HER FRUSTRATION
She Says: How am I going to wait 3 more days to see you?
You: You’re a tiger. You’re strong. I know you can make it. I’m rooting for you! Go TEAM!
#44: PRETEND “BREAKUP WITH HER” IN A FUNNY WAY
Her: What are you doing?
Okay mam…. I’m going to need you to slow down… that’s a bit too personal and I’m just not ready for that level of commitment (LOL)
#45: BE THE DIVA – COMPLICATED ORDERS
Her: I can swing by and pick up breakfast for you
You: Cool, Poppy Bagels are my favorite, I like it lightly toasted, light butter and this is extremely important…not too many poppy seeds
You: I love muffins with a good top to stump ratio. Pick me out the best one. I’m counting on you!
46: Her: I can’t believe I’m driving all of the way to your house, I never do this
You: ….Because I’m WORTH It!
47: HANDLING BORING “GOOD MORNING” TEXTS
Her: Good Morning!
You: I had a dream last night that a hamburger ate me
Her: How did you sleep?
You: mypillow.com…. it really works, use my promo code: SLEEPYPETE
Her: Good morning!
You: Soar like a falcon today
You: Rule your day with 5G
48: What are you doing?
I’m bringing SEXY back!
I’m too SEXY for my shirt. So sexy it HURRRTS!
49: Can I see you?
I may be able to squeeze you in. Send over your resume and two head shots
50. That’s the way uh-huh uh-huh I like it (uh-huh uh-huh)
51. Her: why do you want my number/to go out/whatever?
You: So I can bring happiness into your life
52. THE KEY TO MY HEART IS…..
The key to my heart is freshly baked brownies (shhh….don’t LET OTHER GIRLS KNOW)
- bonus points if she ACTUALLY bakes you brownies which means she’s trying to win you over
53: YOU ARE THE JUDGE
Her: I think you are going to like this place I picked
We’ll see, I’m expecting BIG things
I’m a tough judge. Like Simon Cowell with a heart of GOLD
54: , PUT HER ON AND TAKE HER OFF THE “NAUGHTY LIST”
That’s it, You’re going BACK on my naughty list
Okay you’re back on the NICE list, but I’ll be watching you
55. HOLIDAYS
Halloween: I WANT CANDY! (singing)
Thanksgiving: Happy turkey day, what are you thankful for (…besides my luxurious hair)
Christmas: Santa Baby! Hurry down the chimney tonight!
New Years My resolution is be even MORE SEXY this year, if that’s even possible
Easter: I hid an egg somewhere in your house. It has a $5 bill inside
56. WHERE IS THIS RELATIONSHIP GOING?
(singing voice note reply)
I wanna know what love is… I want you to show me!
57. USE THE POINTS SYSTEM (AWARD POINTS)
When she does something good or nice
That’s 2 points for you. Just 98 more and you win THE BIG PRIZE
Her: what’s the big prize?
You: ME
58. PENALIZE HER, DEDUCT POINTS
HER: I’m running a bit late. (for bowling)
Cool. I’m penalizing you two pins for every minute you’re not here
OR…
Awesome! This is going on your permanent record.
You’re really racking up the spankings!
59. AFTER GLOW RESPONSE
Her: I had such a great time last night!
You haven’t seen anything yet
60. Are you ever serious?
Sometimes….when I’m in the BATHTUB
category: test (frustration)
61. Her: Why did you do that?
Because I’m the complete opposite of all the other guys you dropped
Her: How come you didn’t do X Y or Z?
Because I know that challenge drives you crazy
62. PASSING HER TESTS
Her Angry: You’re not a real man!
So I’ve been buying the wrong underwear all this time?
63. What are you doing tonight?
I have a date with MR. BUBBLES
64: When she says something mean or gets frustrated
Ouch Baby, Very Ouch! (using Austin Powers Accent)
65. I really like spending time with you
You’re only Human
I have that effect on women
category: mushy
66. Her: I don’t know anything about your childhood
You: send YouTube clip of Dr. Evil in group therapy discussing his childhood
67. HANDLING DOWNGRADES AND PULLBACKS
Her: I don’t think we should see each other anymore.
You: Not what I want, but OKAY
You: I agree.
You: I was thinking the same thing
68. You are so much fun!
Try not to fall in love with me too fast, pace yourself
Her: LOL I’m not trying to fall in love with you
You: Shhh….It will be our secret
69. DIFFUSE TOUGH QUESTIONS WITH HUMOR
HER: Are you seeing any other girls?
This is my first date. please be gentle.
Only about 75… it’s a really slow week for me
70. HOW TO HANDLE “MAYBE” DATES
Her: I’m 99% sure I can go, but my friend from college might be coming to town, I’ll let you know
You: sounds like you may be busy, let’s just make it some other time (withdraw the offer)
71. Her: do you want to come inside for a bit?
You: only if you promise to keep your hands to yourself.
72, KISSING – BE THE ONE TO STOP FIRST
Her: That’s It?
You: If you’re good, you may get some more later
73. ASSUME SHE’S ASKING YOU OUT
Her: there’s this cool festival but none of my friends want to go
You: Are you asking me on a date?
73. WHEN SHE ACCUSES YOU OF SOMETHING
Her: So wait, you were home this whole time?
And I would have gotten away with it too, If it wasn’t for you meddling kids
category: test
74. Her: I Really Like You / Love You
You: My mom always said I was special
category: mushy
75. HANDLING BORING TEXTS FROM HER
Her: How is your day going?
Today is the greatest…. day I’ve ever known
I’m walking on sunshine (…and I’m startin’ to feel good!)
76. HOW TO HANDLE COMPLIMENTS FROM HER
Her: You have a cute butt
You: I know. That’s why I insured it for $1 million dollars
77. Her: I think we need to talk
You: ooooo sounds scary, should I bring my teddy bear
78. When she turns down a date, with no counter offer… you hit her with a funny song lyric
Her: I’m so sorry I think I’m not going to be able to make it tonight.
You: Mr Lover Man………. Shabba!
79. WHEN YOU WANT TO ASK HER OUT OVER THE PHONE
“I can’t do this story justice over text, when’s a good time to call?”
80. When she does something nice for you
Guess who’s back in the “circle of trust”
81. END THE DATE FIRST WITH HUMOR
Gonna “call it’ a night, I have to be home by 11 or I turn into a pumpkin
Or…
My curfew is 11pm
82, Are there going to be other women at this party? (showing jealousy)
Tons of beautiful models, but I’ll be wearing a fake mustache so there’s really nothing to worry about
83. My parents are in town, would you like to meet them?
It’s a bit too soon for that, let’s get to know each other a little better first.
84. WHEN SHE’S GOING TOO FAST AND YOU NEED TO SLOW HER DOWN
Sounds fun. But let’s go on a few more dates first.
85. WHEN SHE SENDS YOU PICTURES OF HER DOG OR A “SUNSET”
Bow-wow-wow, yippie-yo, yippie-yay
Where my dogs at? Bark with me now!
86. HER: I always have so much fun with you
I’m kind of a BIG Deal
category: mushy
87. HOW TO MAKE “BEING EXCLUSIVE” HER IDEA
Her: Are you still using any dating apps? I deleted mine.
YOU: Are you saying that you want us to be exclusive? Okay, let’s do it
88. HOW TO MAKE HER YOUR GIRLFRIEND
HINT: My best friend Julie was asking what’s the deal with us? I didn’t know what to tell her.
YOU: Are you saying you want to be my girlfriend?
89. WHEN YOU FORGOT TO REPLY TO HER TEXT AND A LOT OF TIME HAS PASSED
Just woke up from a food coma, what did I miss?
90. When she’s tells you running late or did something stupid
No worries, a quick spanking and all is forgiven!
category: test
91. STEALING HER PRIZE FRAME
Her: I’m not going home with you tonight OR we are not hooking up tonight
Woo slow down… Who said anything about going home together? I’m a good boy
Woo slow down missy…..I’m saving myself for Valentines Day.
92. PASS HER TESTS WITH PRIZE FRAME HUMOR
Her: why did you do X Y or Z?
You: when you’re this cute, you can get away with anything
93. Her: Can you do this favor or me?
I’ll do it on one condition…… (and then make up a really silly condition)
category: test
94. WHEN SHE TRIES TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU TOO MUCH BEFORE A DATE
Her: OMG, I have to tell you all about this thing that happened to me at work
You: Nice! Let’s save it for the date. I want to hear all about it in person
Her: Tell me about your presentation, how did it go?
You: I’m saving that story for our next date, prepare for something amazing!
95. I can’t go out with you on Monday, it’s going to be such a hectic day for me
You: okay let me know a good day and I’ll move mountains to make it work, but only a small one, let’s not get crazy
96. HOW TO HANDLE: “YOU WISH” AND “YEAH RIGHT”
You: just two more dates and you’ll be madly in love with me
Her: Ha! You Wish
You: When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are
97. LOL. you are so funny!
LEAVE HER THIS VOICE NOTE
Funny how? What do you think I’m a clown. I amuse you…. (use Joe Pesci voice)
98. WHEN SHE SENDS YOU A RACY PHOTO “BEFORE” YOU HAVE BEEN INTIMATE
Looking good! I’m more of a real thing type of guy though
99. SHE WANTS TO “MAKE IT UP TO YOU”
Her: I’m so sorry, how can I make it up to you?
You: Don’t have all the details yet, but it may involve massage oil, a bowl of grapes and re-runs of Beverly Hills 90210
Lesson: they key is to let her make it up to you, but make it silly (not I’m butt-hurt fake tough guy style). Actually make her follow through with the silly request
100. HOW TO HANDLE COMPLIMENTS
When she compliments you on your LOOKS
Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
101. When she’s mad, frustrated or upset about something
Not sure what you’ve heard, but according to Santa I’m a very very GOOD BOY
102. “I GOTTA GET BACK TO”….. + HUMOR
WALK AWAY FIRST + OTHER GIRLS ARE JEALOUS OF YOU
Her: what are you doing?
You; Barbie movie marathon
Her: oh, let me know what you think of it
You: Cool, gotta get back to the movie… Barbie is the jealous type
103. Anytime she “notices” something about you
Her: I like your new haircut
You’ve been checking me out huh
104. THE RIDICULOUSLY SMALL DISCOUNT
Her: You would make a great landlord
You: If I were your landlord I’d knock $5 a month off your rent.
Her: LOL…..only 5 bucks!
You: Okay I’ll make it $5.50, I’ll give you the “nice face” discount
105. When she says she wants you to “check-in” with her by text
number 201 checking in and reporting for duty sir!
The 7 Categories
- Silly Humor
- I am the Prize + Humor
- Steal Her Prize Frame (reversing the chase, intimacy and looks roles)
- Handling when she sends you boring “attention seeking” messages: (Good night, Good morning, How was your day) *always be positive upbeat and silly
- Handling When She Like it, Gives You Compliments (comes on heavy)
- Handling Her Frustration (when she wants more from you, wants you to be serious)
- Handling When She Pulls Away (or positions herself as the prize)