To get where you’re going, you first have to know where you are
In dating terms, that means that your messaging strategy will change (slightly) depending on what phase you are in.
Phase 1: First 24 Hours (1 Day)
Phase one is the first 24 hours after a date. If it went good, you should both be riding on a high. The plan here is to leave her alone and let her experience that BUZZ without you checking-in and ruining it.
These are the hours she should be left alone to think about you and replay the awesome date in her head (over and over). So please, no initiating any messages during this time.
Messaging Strategy:
Afterglow Rank
- Mentions a future date (we should….)
- Says she has a nice time or a fun time
- Thanks you for the date
If she messages you with a “thank you for the fun time” type of text (a great sign) you can respond – but keep it short and sprinkle in something silly if you can
Her: Just wanted to thank you for the fun date, I had a great time
You: Me too. They see us rolling….they HATIN’
After that ONE reply, it’s time to disappear.
Phase 2: Before the Next Date Is Made (3 Days)
You will not be initiating any messages during this phase. Your job is to give her time to wonder about you and feel a bit uncertain about where things stand.
However, if she reaches out to you first, it’s fine to send a silly response
Her: what are you doing?
You: I’m walking on sunshine (…and I’m starting to feel good!)
If she doesn’t get the hint that you’re not going to engage in boring chit chat between dates, it’s time to step it up a notch.
Messaging Strategy: You have a few options for how to handle the time before the next date is officially made
#1 – Positive Busy: casually mention that you may be out of contact for a day or two while you work on some awesome assignment, or land a new client (aka being positive busy) . Never give the impression you haven’t been in contact because you are swamped with work or stressed
#2 – Ignore a few Unimportant Texts: Although I don’t like ignoring women as a strategy, you may have to skip replying to an unimportant message or two. This should help slow the pace down a bit (ie. she sends you a photo of a sunset or a song)
#3 – Call It First: Another option is to “call it a night” and end things first. For example, if you’re responding with silly messages but she keeps on texting you can say…
alright, gonna call it a night. I need my beauty sleep (…you don’t look this good by accident)
Phase 3: Time To Make The Date (Day 5)
After a period of wondering and uncertainty, that bordered on turning into frustration, you will provide sweet RELIEF by calling her up and making the next date.
You’ve haven’t messaged much and your replies have been silly, but now all is forgiven. She likes you even more now that she was mad at you. (even though you never heard about it)
Strategy: The goal here is to setup the date and not stay on the phone too long (anything over 15 minutes counts as a virtual date). Your odds of her canceling just doubled.
Phase 4: After The Date is On The Books (2-3 Days)
Once the next date is officially on the books, the name of the game is maintaining the ANTICIPATION
Messaging Strategy: besides silly responses, we now have the option of adding more by by politely (and playfully) telling her to “save the conversation for our date”
#1 – Save it for our Date
Her: I forgot to ask, how did your presentation go?
You: I’ll save that one for Thursday night – I need a proper drink to tell that story
#2 – I’m Getting Ready: you can also set the frame in a funny way that the reason you can’t text is because you are doing everything you can to get ready for the date (for her benefit of course)
You: alright going into all-business mode. want to be able to give you all my attention on our date.
Notice how you are avoiding getting into a long back and forth and politely building even more anticipation by telling her to save it for the date.
Always Know Where You Are
Most guys don’t give any thought to what phase they are in. They will message with a girl the same way immediately after a date, as they would 2 hours before a date.
But it’s all different.
So when you say, Chris, how should I respond to this message – well, it depends. Is it 24 hours after a date, is it before you’ve made the next date or is it after a date is already on the books.