In order to make her fall in love with you, you need to score 100 points.
Here’s how to do it.
The Easy 50: Being Attractive
First, the easy part. If you’re her type “physically” – then she instantly gives you 50 points. Wow, that was easy! You’re already halfway there.
(And you didn’t even have to open your mouth)
The first thing I try to figure out when coaching a new client is, what did she INITIALLY like about you? How did you get those first 50 points?
We can usually trace it all back to you being. her TYPE. For example, she likes light eyes and you have the perfect pair of baby blues. She prefers that “bad boy” shaved head look and lucky for you – you went bald 3 years ago. She likes stocky guys and you fit the bill. Or she prefers the preppy “country club look” and you wear Polo PJ’s to bed. I think you get the point.
Now, when it comes to your looks, I don’t want to hear any whining. Although there are some guys who 94.7% of all women will find attractive (hello George Clooney), for the rest of us mortals, some women will find us handsome and others will not.
Which is the truth?
Neither. It’s more based on her “type” versus how you look, so you can’t take this stuff too personally.
The second part of getting the first 50 points is your STATUS.
For example –
You’re one of the leaders in the Tech industry and she just started her job at Google yesterday. Or, you happen to be the ‘coolest” DJ at the nightclub she goes to. But even if you’re the assistant to the assistant manager at McDonald’s (and she works at the fries station) – you still have some STATUS in her eyes.
Hard Truth: Being “Attractive” Isn’t Enough
However, I can’t stress this enough.
50 is the absolute maximum amount of points she can give you for being “her type” and having “status”
I don’t care if you’re a “ridiculously” good looking male model or you’re Jeff Bezos the billionaire CEO. She ONLY gives you 50.
The next 50 points can only be awarded if she’s chasing you and feels the desire to win you over.
Being attractive isn’t enough.
Looks and status aren’t enough.
She also needs a challenge.
On the surface it seems like she is WAY out of your league. (she’s an Instagram model with 2 million followers)
However, for her to truly love you, she must feel like you are out of her league. (as crazy as that may sound to you right now)
But NOT out of her league in terms of your looks or status (the easy 50) She must feel that you are out of her league when it comes to being able to “control yourself” and go slow when you REALLY like a woman (The Hard 50)
Meaning, because you are better at going slow and holding back when you like someone than she is, then you must be the prize in this relationship. You must be “the catch”
Most guys think the game is over after getting the first 50 points. Heck, most guys think “life” is all about the first 50 points. It’s all about looks and money and status. They think that’s all women want – so they spend their lives trying to get it.
Other “nice guys” are naive.
They want to believe she awarded him all 100 points (forever) because of what a “special” person he is. That after just one date, she looked deep into his soul and said to herself – what a wonderful human being! (he thinks – hey, my mom was right about me!)
After hearing hundreds of stories from my clients, I’ve calculated that 95% of new relationships (19 of 20) don’t make it to love. That may even be a conservative number. And the main reasons why, is that guys start celebrating too soon after getting those first 50 points.
Getting from 50 to 100 (The Hard Points)
Now for the HARD part.
If she deems that you’re her type, then you’re starting out at mid-field. So we have 50 more yards to go in order to score a touchdown.
Or, if you want to think of it like a video game, then you need to score 50 more points to give her the #1 feeling in the world.
But make no mistake, these are HARD POINTS to earn.
This is where you’ll have to:
- spend time apart (even though you’re dying to see her again)
- slow her down (even though you like that she’s going really fast)
- show her that you could walk away from her, even though it’s killing you
- You’ll also have to tell her NO, set boundaries and make her work to earn your interest (even though you want to give her everything right now for FREE)
- Oh, and did I mention that you will also have to be unafraid to frustrate the girl you’re madly in love with (potentially making her mad)
So yeah, this will be the hardest thing you ever have to do in your life.
But the payoff is worth it. It means that she will be madly in love with you.
You Must Be a 10 (in The Hard World)
In the world of the easy 50 (appearance and status) all you have to do is pass. So I’m not too worried about women seeing you as a 10 (yet)
Of course you should always try to look your best, but as long as she has that initial interest (easy 50) you are in the game.
Where it really counts, is in the world of the Hard 50.
Here is where you have to be a perfect 10 out of 10. Even a 9 out of 10 will not cut it here. But the good news is, every single guy can be a TEN in the world of the Hard 50 no matter how he looks or how much status he has. (so no excuses)
After coaching for the last 20 years, here’s what I’ve found:
A guys insecurity about his rank in the world of the Easy 50 (ie. I’m a 4 out of 10), leads him to do and say NEEDY things in the world of the Hard 50.
But even if you were a rock star with hundreds of women chasing you, if the woman you love ever sees your needy side, you are done for.
Video Companion
In the next Module, we will cover the main strategies that get you the 50 HARD points. Do these things right and you will gain points. But do them wrong and you will lose them (and her).
Let’s begin.